It’s hard to believe now – but there was a time before Twitter.

Our lives were somehow complete without sharing exactly what we are doing, saying and eating every waking hour with the whole of the internet – or at least the people who can be bothered to ‘follow’ us.

Of course, some of you are still unsure whether it actually lives up to the hype. Well of course not. In our bitter experience, nothing is ever as good as people say it is. We even left the cinema disappointed by The Dark Knight. But then, we are hard people to please.

However, Twitter is actually quite good and certainly worth looking into. And to help you on your path, we have handily given you eight easy steps to Twitter enlightenment – in other words following us on Twitter. Of course, the more cynical among you might think this is just a way for us to attract more followers to our Twitter account.

And you would be totally right.

1.      Create an account.

Admittedly rather obvious – but some do fall at the first hurdle. Surprisingly, you can do this by simply logging on to twitter.com and clicking on the big button which says ‘Get Started – Join’.

Just a couple of tips when deciding your username.

Firstly, don’t try and be too funny. Most people aren’t – especially you, yes you – and what may seem like a really amusing and topical name at the beginning will soon become an annoying and dated millstone around your neck. It will haunt you for the rest of your days – or something.

We recommend you simply use the old ‘FirstnameSurname’ – it means people will find you easier. Unless that is not what you want. In that case, why the hell are you on a social messaging site?

If that isn’t available, firstly, swear a lot at the computer that someone has had the audacity and impudence to share the same name as you.

Then just choose another one. Just be aware: putting in dashes or underscores could cause a problem, mainly because a lot of Twitterers use mobiles and would have to do some awkward things with their fingers to put your name in.

We used hecklerspray because, um, that is the name of our site.

2.      Bore people to death by putting in all your details

Loads of people don’t add photos or fill out their details properly. People need to have something to go on before they decide to invest some time into following your every movement.

Mind you, if you are particularly ugly or particularly boring, it might be worth lying.

If you have a website – such as an award-winning entertainment site which recently got voted among the ‘top 50 most powerful blogs in the world’ – add a link to your site.

3.      Get Tweeting Now

A mistake a lot of people do is set up an account and then don’t bother writing anything.

It’s only 140 characters, for God’s sake, so get typing. If you are a blogger, start adding links to your latest posts.

Just be aware that people don’t just want an RSS feed – they want to know what you think about stuff and other news items, stories or videos that have caught your eye. On the flipside, they don’t just want a log of what you had for dinner and how many dumps you had that day.

Be interesting – and if you are not, pretend you are.

4.      Get some friends

OK, you can be the funniest person on the web, but if no one is following you, then you are basically all fart and no follow through. So find some friends. Believe us, it is easy – even for people who have no friends in real life. Of course, if you already have some mates, it’s a lot easier.

Twitter has even given you a tool. Simply click here and type in their name and you should locate them. Remember what we said in the first step. In other words, they could be someone who has stolen your friend’s identity – or simply share the same name as them. So check it’s them first – or could lead to all kinds of embarrassing situations.

This is where having an ‘amusing’ username can really let you down.

Obviously, when you have found them, simply click on follow. Of course, you can also ask them if they have a Twitter account – they won’t mind, they are your mate.

5.      Start following others who have similar odd interests as you

OK, so you have a few people following you – but you have to at least pretend you are interested in what they are saying.

Besides, sometimes people can tell you stuff that has not even hit the wires yet.

Obviously, it helps if the people you are following at least have some related interests to you. So to find them, simply click on search.twitter.com and look for people who have posted tweets about the same things you like. When you find someone you like the look of, click the follow button. Just don’t take it personally if they don’t follow you back.

OK, take it personally. It’s all about you, your rubbish bio and your crap tweets.

6.      Get tooled up

It can get a bit nuts trying to keep up with all your followers.

So to help you out, we recommend Tweetdeck and Twhirl, which will make replying to direct messages, replies and having conversations much easier.

There are also apps for your iPhone and Blackberry.

7.      Don’t be afraid to start a conversation

It sounds simple, but if someone asks a question to their followers, try and help them out. Obviously, it helps if you know what you are talking about.

If you keep answering ‘don’t know’ or you give a totally unrelated answer and you’ll soon get dropped like a stone.

But if you know the answer – and you know what you are talking about – simply start your tweet with ‘@username (of person asking the question), and give your reply. However, just note. If they are not following you, they will probably not see it.

8.       Start following hecklerspray – now!!

Simply click here and let the fun begin.