Twilight and Harry Potter are basically the same – both are supernatural books for children and stupid adults.
But there are differences. In Harry Potter, it’s basically taken as granted that all the characters are timid virgins – except for Dumbledore, of course, who spends most of his free time engaged in all sorts of bizarre kinky sex acts in a disused Hogwarts dungeon – while everyone in Twilight is so obsessed with sex that they can’t even brush their hair or smile or learn how to breathe quietly.
And this has riled Harry Potter‘s Emma Watson. She’s accused Twilight‘s Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart of ‘selling sex’. Which isn’t true, obviously – anyone with half a brain can see that sex with either Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart would be like sex with a disinterested shop mannequin that’s been left out in the rain for months – but anyway, this is a fight and fights are cool.
Emma Watson is a clever girl. She’s clever enough to go to university and become the world’s highest-paid actress and to get a haircut that doesn’t look completely hopeless. But when it comes to picking fights, Emma Watson has no clue at all.
Why? Because she’s just picked a fight with Twilight. And this is something she shouldn’t have done. Emma Watson shouldn’t have picked a fight with Twilight because Twilight is much cooler than Harry Potter. The soundtracks are cooler, the look is cooler and the haircuts – although legitimately awful – are cooler. Harry Potter has a theme park, for crying out loud – that’s preposterously uncool. Imagine a Twilight theme park – it’d be full of blank-faced, dispossessed emos standing around listlessly and breathing through their noses as hard as they can. It’d be rubbish.
What’s more, Emma Watson has even got the entire basis of her fight wrong, as MTV reports:
When speaking about the final installment of Harry Potter, The Deathly Hallows in a conference call with journalists, Watson reportedly said: “This kiss between Hermione and Ron is highly anticipated, it’s been building up for eight films now.” She added to the New York Daily News: “And Harry Potter is not Twilight, you know. We’re not selling sex.”
Which is just plain wrong. For all of its numerous flaws, Twilight doesn’t really sell sex at all. It’s the story of a woman who doesn’t have sex, then doesn’t have sex, then doesn’t have sex, then does have sex and immediately gets pregnant with a vile little monster that smashes her bones from the inside and has to actually be bitten out of her uterus by the person who knocked her up. And if that’s selling sex then the salesman should probably be fired for negligible incompetence for doing such a shitty job.
And here ends the last time we’ll ever defend Twilight. Because we hate it and think anybody who likes it is an idiot. Fact.
someone says
the reason the harry potter franchise isn’t selling sex is simply because j.k. rowling is too filthy rich already. let’s leave sex selling to the people who really need the money.
Cookie Monster says
And let’s not get started on J.R.R. Tolkien or C. S. Lewis. Dwarf sex, elf love, ice queens and horned creatures of all sorts. Back in highschool we were lucky enough to have a teacher who could find sexual symbology in everything (an archway in MacBeth; must be a vagina!).
I believe that the difference between Joanne R and Stephy M lies in who had a normal, sex-driven, teenage span of years, and who was rejected and repressed to the point of writing a series of thinly veiled teen porn.
Here’s a good test; imagine the reaction if a wrinkly, little old man had written each series. One would be ho-hum (yet another bit of fantasy), the other would involve Interpol.
someone says
i see your point cookie, but you’ve failed to mention bram stoker, the man whose literature can be credited with the origins the twilight phenomenon. i might add, the country of origin of the authors affected their fiction. one’s british, the other, american if i’m not mistaken.
Reena says
ok lets not even compare that garbage called Twilight to a actual work of literal such as Harry Potter. If anybody has anything wrong – it’s you. Do you base your writings on actual facts (like a good journalist should) or do you pull shit out of your ass? I’m guessing it’s neither because even a good bullshit journalist can make it look a little more appealing. You are just grabbing at thin air. Boy, I wish there was a dislike button…
g says
I think you’re twisting her words. She didn’t accuse “Twilight
Corbin77 says
First off Harry Potter is incredible while Twilight is lame. The Twilight books were good until Breaking Dawn. It’s gross that Bella/Kristen is going to sleep with a dead guy! Then has a baby that is part monster. Come on that’s gross. Twilight does sell sex what do you think the last two years have been about. Kristen cheats on Michael by sleeping with Robert. Kristen has a slutty flow and craves sex in Twilight. This was done to sell more tickets, which makes Summit, Kristen and Robert slimey.