Twilight: Does Kristen Stewart Envy Robert Pattinson? Anyone?

by Stuart Heritage on March 20, 2009 78 Comments

Question: Who’s the main star of Twilight? Answer: Robert Pattinson. Question: Who else stars in Twilight?

Answer: Robert Pattinson’s haircut. Who else? Nobody else. Robert Pattinson and Robert Pattinson’s haircut are the only two people in Twilight, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a bloody liar.

Oh, wait – apparently we’re wrong. Apparently someone called Kirsten Stewart also stars in Twilight. And apparently Kristen Stewart is so annoyed that everyone ignores her in favour of Robert Pattinson that she refuses to be in the same room as him. Possibly. It’s hard to tell. We keep forgetting what she looks like.

You have to feel a little bit sorry for Kristen Stewart. Cursed from birth with a face that looks like a bad pencil drawing of Lisa Marie Presley, she spent years struggling in the movie business until finally she got her own movie. And that movie was Twilight, based on the wildly successful novel of the same name. And she played Bella, the lead character. Fame would be hers at last!

Except it hasn’t actually happened that way. Although Kristen Stewart does technically play the lead in Twilight, the reason it’s such a sensation is Robert Pattinson, the monotone charisma-vacuum who makes all the teenage girls scream because his hair is nice and he constantly wanders about pulling a face that makes him look like he’s trying to work out difficult sums in his head.

But that was fine because, having read the books, Kristen Stewart knew that Robert Pattinson wasn’t going to be in Twilight 2 very much and the spotlight would be back on her once again. And then disaster struck – realising that Robert Pattinson is the only reason why anyone bothers to watch hokey old bobbins like the Twilight movies, the producers wrote him back into the script – and then went and brought in Dakota Fanning to squeeze down Kristen Stewart’s screentime even further.

In fact, it’s fair to say that the only times when people don’t ignore Kristen Stewart are when they’re asking her how good Robert Pattinson is at sex. And that’s why, if reports are to be believed, Kristen Stewart has taken the very mature step of avoiding Robert like the ruddy plague. According to Star magazine:

“She’s sick and tired of hearing about him all the time,” a source revealed. “Except for filming together and mandatory work functions, Kristen refuses to be in the same room as Bob.”

Refusing to be in the same room might sound a little knee-jerk, but you have to remember that it can’t be easy for Kristen Stewart – all the female Twilight fans dislike her because of the time she gets to spend with Robert Pattinson and both the male Twilight fans are probably a bit gay. The poor duck’s not getting any love from anyone.

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{ 78 comments… read them below or add one }

Jo Anne March 27, 2009 at 12:57 pm

I don’t believe in this stupid nonsense! I can assure Kristen Stewart that even if Robert Pattinson has more fans, I still like her. Honestly, she should be happy coz she got Isabella Swans role. Many girls long to have her role…The thing is..I LOVE KRISTEN STEWART and ROBERT PATTINSON EQUALLY. They will always be in my heart. So, Kristen, don’t be so upset about Bob being the star of the show. Put in mind also that THERE ARE peoople who like you MORE than him. and by the way, your not ugly. you’re a beautiful girl. Don’t listen to those stupid comments coming from your haters. They are just jealous of what you are now. So, don’t show to everyone that you are upset because the more people will hate you. Remember that jealousy is not good. And oh, I hope you will share a room with Bob already. And have a relationship. Who cares if his ex is your bestfriend? after all, theirs was just the past and the past will never come back. So try to go along with him..and DOES HE STINK?
-a 13 year old girl-

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samantha March 30, 2009 at 1:24 am

this nonsense is stupid!!! i only envy BELLA NOT KRISTEN!!!! i envy bella because she’s with edward, but kristen is an AWESOME actress!!!!! i like kristen AND rob!!!!!!

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Julias June 18, 2009 at 5:34 pm

You do understand that “Bella” is NOT real, do you? Just wandering. I’m not even sure KS is real, actually…Go figure…

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Hayl March 30, 2009 at 2:29 am

yea except for kristen is gorgeous!

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jenny April 4, 2009 at 11:33 pm

heck way she is hot

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sarah March 30, 2009 at 11:34 pm

sigh. anyone who likes twilight, anyone in it, especially bob and kristen, is a freakin’ idiot. i’m not surprised in the slightest that dakota fanning will be in it. i wouldn’t be surprised either if i found out that dan radcliffe and bob made a porno together.

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AOB March 31, 2009 at 10:37 pm

Kristen Stewart is HOT! WTF!? They’re changing the scripts of New Moon!? GAY!

btw…Kristen Stewart beats Robert Pattinson anyday

(Yes, I am a dude)

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paigelin April 3, 2009 at 1:51 am

Why was the Bioliagy BLOOD typing not filmed in the movie?

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jenny April 4, 2009 at 11:32 pm

robert is so sssssssseeeeeeeeeexxxxxyyyyyyy i want to go out with him

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xxbballcuttixx April 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm

KIRSTEN IS GAY I HATE HER ROBERT ALL THE WAYY!!!

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Shyanne duh ya April 7, 2009 at 1:38 am

Ok.
Robert is hottt!!!!!!
i never thought he was at first,but i started watching twilight and i loved his sensibility!!!!!
new moon will be just as good cause kristen is a goood actress and she could pull off the book anyday!

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sum person April 8, 2009 at 9:17 pm

y the hell is every 1 saying his name is bob??!!?! its rob! lol id like rob cuz he craves all the attention and is reely ugly in reel life kristen is awesome as an actress and dont diss her i would probably be jealous of a hot guy tht every 1 loves 2!!

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annonymous April 9, 2009 at 2:44 am

k watever ur name is ur right about edward getting alot of attention and hes sooooooooooo hot but ur not right about Kristen and that doesnt mean u have to make up lies about Kristen she does get attention just like Robert a.k.a Edward but u font have to be so gay so everyone who read about his fake story its not true and dont believe him hes just jelouse hes not in twilight and that hes soo ugly and that robert is so much hotter

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Ty April 10, 2009 at 6:53 pm

this is stupid if you dont like kirsten get over it! shes not ugly she’s actually very butiful. its the setting that they used for the movie that makes her look ugly because it was very depressing in forks, washington rainy all the time? even the most butiful person in the world would look ugly there. so dont go hattin on her because rob gets to be the hot vampire. go watch so some other movies with her in them she doesnt look the same! and she was suposed to look like an average person not the most beautiful one. and i think this is just flat out stupid!! if you cant stand someone this much you wouldnt be in the movie with them.

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Ty April 10, 2009 at 6:54 pm

i meant beautiful not butiful in the first line.

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allison April 19, 2009 at 9:16 pm

whoever wrote this is an idiot
kristen stewart is not in any way ugly.. which is what yu were implying.. if anything you’re just jealous
so keep your thought to yourself dumbass

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raging brawler June 6, 2009 at 1:20 am

shes mega hot and talented and all the twilight fans should stop being such bitches

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raging brawler June 6, 2009 at 1:21 am

by the way im a dude

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i heart twilight June 10, 2009 at 12:08 am

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? WHY ARE YOU SO NEGATIVE??? WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL THEM CO-STARS???????? KRISTEN AND ROB BOTH SHARE THE SPOTLIGHT!!! BTW, BELLA IS DEFINETELY THE MAIN CHARACTER! THE WHOLE BOOK IS IN HER POINT OF VIEW!

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Elena Danvers June 19, 2009 at 10:50 am

Lmao @ “Cursed from birth with a face that looks like a bad pencil drawing of Lisa Marie Presley”

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angeleyes July 1, 2009 at 9:35 pm

i wish u would stop saying these mean things about them. goodness stay out of their business.

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angeleyes July 1, 2009 at 9:37 pm

im twilight fan ~~~

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roro July 4, 2009 at 3:13 pm

love twilight but kirsten cant act and shes uggggggggggly!!!

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dazzledlot October 10, 2009 at 2:29 pm

so many people like Kristen compared to all the haters…if you don’t like her why bother to comment!

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destiny6 October 21, 2009 at 1:25 pm

hey this is your biggest fan

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Caleb January 31, 2010 at 7:36 am

Once again I don’t understand how these girls are in love with Kirsten. It’s sick,and I think all these girls need to look at how strange it is to worship Kristen. If they are gay then come out of the closet!

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Abby May 20, 2010 at 7:04 pm

Kristen master the rare art of privacy . Press have NOTHING on her and has to make up the stories. She avoids any attention. Do not confuse her with your typical HW actress.She is one of the kind. Tons of people adore her, they are just less vocal.Strong character at 20, unique bird. Doesn’t give a damn about getting role or the whole acting. Lives her life to the fullest. She is already iconic, just for being the way she is.

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i love kristen October 19, 2010 at 12:56 pm

oh god this person is really dumb for even posting this stupid story. robert is a stiff mechanic boring dude and he is nothing to look at. he looks like a hobo with that facial hair of his. eew. if all you kristen haters ever read the books you will see that her performance as bella is spot on. it is like she was born for this role. i love her and no one could have done a better job. and anyway now rob and kristen are dating (what was she thinking) so this silly rumour is cancelled out and remains what it is, just a rumour. i dont know why people expect a beautiful person to play a role that was meant to be that of an average person. by the way kristen is gorgeous and hot and people are just jealous of that fact.

(im a dude)

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