The first one of these is undoubtedly a good thing, and the third one at least distracts from the nagging sensation that Robert Pattinson is basically an even-less charismatic Orlando Bloom with better hair, but the second one? That could well be a problem.
So, to try and make Twilight 2 less rubbish, it’s been announced that Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke has been bumped out of the way to let someone else have a bash at the sequel. Which is, um, news. We think.
Twilight – the book and movie series that makes people sorry they ever slagged off Harry Potter – can’t be stopped at the moment. It’s still riding high at the box office, its Fisher Price Columbine soundtrack is still making 14-year-old girls feel deeper than they actually are and Twilight star Robert Pattinson is still the heart-throb pin-up of the moment – a role he’ll enjoy until he goes bald and everyone realises that his skull is shaped like seven spanners in a deflated balloon.
However, if there’s one thing that can be said about Twilight, it’s that it was rubbish. Unstoppably, majestically rubbish. It didn’t matter, of course – cinema ushers still have to scrub the 14-year-old urine out of the seats after every showing – but that’s mainly because nobody has ever invented a 14-year-old girl who wasn’t an idiot.
Metacritic gave Twilight 56%, while Rottentomatoes was slightly less forgiving, awarding it 55% – the same as huge hits like Vacancy and Ocean’s Twelve – and that was no good for Twilight‘s studio. They didn’t want to make a hokey abstinence-promoting emo film about nothing – they wanted to make art.
So who should Twilight’s rubbishness be blamed on? The actors? Stephenie Meyer, the woman who wrote the poxy thing to begin with? The cloth-eared dickface who decided to put Paramore on the Twilight soundtrack? No. It looks like the blame is being laid at the feet of Catherine Hardwicke, Twilight‘s director.
Despite being the woman who, just a few short weeks ago, gleefully announced Twilight 2 to the world, it’s just been revealed that the movie has been snatched away from Hardwicke and will be directed by someone else. Reuters reports:
Hardwicke had until recently been thought a candidate to direct the sequel but word began to circulate in the industry that her relationship with series producer Summit Entertainment has not always been smooth. On Sunday, Summit confirmed that Hardwicke would not direct the film, saying in a statement that its plans to release the film in late 2009 or early 2010 did not mesh with Hardwicke’s required prep time.
OK, we take back all that stuff about art. It seems like Catherine Hardwicke has been shoved out of the way of Twilight 2 because she wants to take her time and make the adaptation the best it can be, while Summit is just crapping itself about getting all four Twilight movies released before its audience hits 20 and suddenly realises what an unmitigated pile of nonsense the whole thing is.
So who’s going to direct Twilight 2? Well, given the time constraints, the pro-religious subtext, the fact that Catherine Hardwicke directed a movie about baby Jesus once and the way that only someone really desperate for work would seriously consider directing it, there’s only really one option.
You heard us. The ‘Mel Gibson for Twilight 2‘ campaign starts here.