Aaah. Fearne Cotton. hecklerspray has to admit for once having a soft spot for the lovely young Top-Of-The-Pops-presenting madam, utterly enraptured by her smiley beamy face and big Bambi-on-Ecstasy eyes and such. Lovely pretty cute little Fearne, we thought…

Until we read about what an absolute nutter she is.

After a long hard day of wearing Bloc Party (CDs) t-shirts and flashing her eerily-white teeth to camera, Fearne likes nothing better than to relax with a process she calls ‘re-birthing.’ Fearne takes the phone off the hook – presumably to deflect any calls from that Lostprophets (CDs) muppet she happens to be dating – and goes into a meditative state in which the body "spasms into the state it was when you were born, your breathing changes and you start crying".

Jesus. Sounds like a night on the Absinthe to us.

"It’s meant to unblock the things that happened to you during birth," Fearne explains, "so that you can get over them and unblock your life." Well, sorry to break this to you, Fearne, but most of us out have already got over the traumas we experienced while being born. You know, what with us not remembering them and everything.

Fearne then went on to describe how she "downs handfuls of healthy pills but cancels out their benefits with her heavy drinking".

It would seem that, behind that sweet cuddlesome exterior, there beats the heart of a Gonzo drug fiend in waiting. It may not be too long before we’re witnessing Fear And Loathing In Harrow-on-The-Hill.

Harrow. Thats where Fearne lives, by the way. hecklerspray has even seen her on the tube while making our merry way home. We would have said something to her, but the nice policeman kept dragging us away and shouting something about "restraining orders."

Such is life, eh?

[story by C J Davies]