If you’ve been under a rock for a while, you might not know that Tiger Woods has had it off with a lot of women. An awful lot of ’em.
This documentary on Channel 4 examines ‘the rise & fall’ of Mr. Tiger – the golfing, the sex, the golfing again, the ‘putt-shot’ position. Filth.
The trailer of the show shows what looks like a stripper, half-way through the act of stripping, talking about Dr. Woodles. I’d guess that she’s one of the ladies ‘ol Tiger seduced. It’s just the feeling I get off her, and her large breasts.
The show starts with the words “He dun a good hitting of the ball. He also dun a few women what he shouldn’t have. This is the story of what he dun and that”. I’m paraphrasing but it’s close enough.
The narrator has a voice with absolutely no emotion. He’s probably just as monotonous during sex (felt it’s appropriate given the topic): “Oh yes. That was good. Great stuff. Bye.”
Hey! It’s Tiger Woods’s old neighbour’s Cathy & Gary! Hi guys! They’re saying that he played golf a lot. Thanks guys! Bye guys!
This is 1 HOUR AND 25 MINUTES LONG. Awful.
Off to meet Tiger’s first Caddy now. Again, saying he was very good at golf. GET TO THE FUCKING.
Yay! Cathy & Gary are back. I love you. Can we come over for tea?
The camera crew then just HAPPENED to be near a strip club where Tiger’s secret girlfriend Jocelyn James just HAPPENED to have finished a shift. Disgusting. She says that Tiger liked to call his ladywomen ‘bitches’, ‘whores’ and ‘sluts’. Lovely. Such a gentleman. “Yes mum, I will be bringing my new man home straight away! He likes it ROUGH”.
What followed was a lot more women. A lot more sex. Disappointing amount of golf. Where’s all the golf? I miss Cathy & Gary.
One thing is definite. Tiger Woods is a very good golfer. Oh, he’s one of the best and, considering that I’m unable to name any other golfers, I’ll not even question that fact. But it’s impossible to feel any sympathy for this man. He’s a cheating boob.
You can pretty much let all of that slide though, due to him – in the words of Cath & Gar – being exceptionally good at golf.
What a bellend.
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