TV Review – The World’s Biggest Penis, Channel Four
Head shot. The man’s name is Jonah Falcon. There’s no denying that Jonah is blessed with a beautiful name. But – sweet shitting crikey – it’s his behemoth phallus that grabs the plaudits. A farmer apparently told him he was “built like a mule.” Welcome to The World’s Biggest Penis, shown last night on Channel Four.
Fact fans will be interested to note that your average penis is six inches long when, ahem, full of blood. Jonah’s is 13-and-a-half inches. Nearly double. It’s no joke to imagine being clubbed to death by it. There are smaller salmon. Obviously, a man with a massive thing like that isn’t going to be shy about it (who wouldn’t be?), and when it is unleashed on camera… well, it’s enough to scare a police horse. Probably make it quite jealous too.
It’s so long that Jonah can wrap it around his hand a couple of times. This just isn’t right. He could do back-stroke and – no doubt – there would be a few Cock Ness Monster gags flying about. You see, Jonah has the World’s Biggest Penis. Sure enough, he’s made his money from it (although not in skin flicks) and subsequently, craves the attention that it has obviously brought from both men and women alike.
Jonah is not alone. The World’s Biggest Penis cuts to Dan. Dan lives in Los Angeles. The
narrator tells us he’s an “intelligent man, but would like to remain anonymous.” Dan pipes up with ‘women, like, uh, see it, like, uh, like a superhuman type of, uh, superpower, like uh, yeah, a super type
thing’. Now think on. This kid is intelligent.
Dan spends his time on an Internet forum called ‘the Large Penis Support Group’ to share his problems with other women, and hopefully meet women who call themselves ’size queens’.
We can now assume that any women who took an interest in this article have now disappeared and logged on to the support group website.
Sure they’ve gone, but they’ll be back. Doubled up in agony. During The World’s Biggest Penis one man, obviously with an incredible wang, referred to relations with his partner as ‘a brutal and strenuous act of affection’.
The lady in question nodded in agreement, and told a tale or two about the logistics of her and her partners bedroom habits. Having one up the bum-bum in the shower et cetera.
One thing that is obvious from The World’s Biggest Penis is the effect that having a big’un tends to overshadow your personality. That it isn’t really the blessing that you’d think.
Going back to Jonah, he seemed like a nice enough guy. Self-analysing, and self-deprecating. However, without his phallus, he doesn’t get a second look.
So, he’s taken to (occasionally) wearing tight, gold, lame trousers to show off his alien appendage. One thing you’ve learnt is that having a gigantic old chap doesn’t buy you taste.
As ever, The World’s Biggest Penis was one of those broadcasts that was frequented by the odd expert , social commentator or some seldom heard-of writer.
These talking heads pop up and deliver profound insights into the staggeringly obvious, like:
‘It would appear that having a large penis is not good at times’.
Thanks for that.
Next we met Steed. Steed, other than being yet another person blessed with a superb name, is from California. Steed and his bruised banana – a bloody great big bruised banana “is well known on the gay scene in the West Coast.
Steed told us that his member actively affected his choice of sexuality. Men are better equipped to deal with one of these monstrosities than women. Women get hurt.
The back door presumably has miles of intestines to work with. All said, Steed is a reasonably
sombre character who spends his time “fulfilling other people’s destiny” on various websites. Rig up the web-cam, show off your wares and make someone very very happy. This obviously is not satisfying for Steed.
Satisfaction seems to be a thing he lacks, and when talking about his sex life, he approaches it from a mathematical angle. Understandable considering.
By the time we got to Omar from Nottingham, the novelty was wearing a little thin. What does prick up your ears, though, is the news that his phallus was being given a dubious honour. It will be immortalised. By taking a cast of it and a company will fashion a sex toy from it.
Again, Omar seemed like a pretty stand up fella when he spoke of the problems he’s faced and how a cock like his can pose problems.
Maybe it is difficult to imagine these guys as nice chaps when your machismo immediately assumes they’ll be natural born show-offs. Omar was certainly not. He was under no illusion why he had gone from being a bit part in The Bill and Only Fools And Horses to being a very well paid actor in adult films.
Much like the dick on show here, The World’s Biggest Penis goes on for far too long. In fact, the viewer probably ended up feeling like an unsuspecting lady. In pain and a bit bored. Like the viewer, the novelty seemed to have worn thin with the owners of these men of silly girth and length. They are men
who are constantly trying to redefine themselves.
It is obviously difficult in the ample sundial shadow of your all walking, talking penis. So the only thing left? Get it out and smile. As stated before, who wouldn’t?
Read more:
The World’s Biggest Penis – Channel Four
[story by Mof Gimmers]
My Penis is so large that it is now covering the entire planet earth. This is excellent for crime fighting as I can shift my body and blood with an erection and appear anywhere on earth. Is this normal?
My penis measures 575 mm when fully sized. Is this normal for a man who turns 86 this summer?
wow youll people got a lot of problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!and most of you need to get a life big time and you no 4 a fact that your lieing just so people got something to read and then think DAMN where do that boy live at id hit dat or just have something to look at then lolz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and most people on these websites are rapers n wana screw some booty!?!?!so you should not try and expose your self so fast and if it is that important to expose your self that fastthan you have major problems and should get a job to keep your mind out of the gutter and rember STAY IN SCHOOL IT DOSE HELP 4 YOUR FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know from experiance!!!!!!!
dis is so funi 2 read keep postin stuffff
im 92 AND LIVING WITH MY PARENTS HOW DO YOU GET AN ERECTIION
im so old and crusty that i need a crowbar to ply back my foreskin
is this normal
ps wats an erection
i am damn sure my penis is the biggest in the world , u all mother fuckers come to have a taste of it and i bet ur all mothers will sweat
I am almost 15 and I can’t measure my willy accurately. I think it’s about 4 inches, but my foreskin is 3 feet long and I can’t pull it back far enough to see. When erect, it looks like a snake digesting an egg. Is this normal?
Also, when at school I have to roll up the skin and put it in a colostomy bag. It smells funny sometimes. Does anyone else have this problem??
the weirdest and most stupid thread in the whole world.
why these people put stupid posts like im a 8yr old kid with random size. fucking rediculous bastards
i am 11 and a half and i have a 11 inch ding dong iz dat big or small 4 my age
I AM 29 AND I HAVE 18 INCHES BLACK COCK IS THAT NORMAL?
Hello,
My name is Ben Nau, I from South-Korea. My penis measures just 4cm when erected. Can i grow it bigger? Im 27 years old. Please help me.
i fucked this kid in the ass one day nd he saw that mi cum filled his nuts nd 2 days later his nuts exploded is dat normal?
My cock is so bent over that whenever I get a boner, it hits my balls. This really hurts and I’m afraid that I will soon neuter myself.
Does anyone else have this problem
Heya I ain’t the most intellijent guy and dis here thread (yuck yucK) is conphusing my little old bran, so I was wondering if one of you here folks could joost infarm me of one perticular peece of informasion: watt is a peenis? Whateva it is, I sure don’t pozess one. Do they have them in Irack or Irann, cos I need to start some more here wars, and those penises are prooving a threet to the safty of the enteere civilized world, dammit! I preesume these here bonners you yak about are attacks by el kayakeda using these here new-fangled penises on the good folkk of this here country. How dar they use bonners to kill americans, when my here actions are the only thing that shood. Damit, I don’t want these here bonners to kill more folk than I did with Katreena or lakk of affordable healthcare. Hey, wate a minute, bonners should be leegalised so that all americcans kan carry them – the konstitution says a man has a rite to deefend himself, and bonners must be aloowed so theey kan do dis. Dis is all so confusin (yuck yuvk), may be I sgood just go ask sumone – where’s that nise Karl Rove wenn yuo need him, or that greet Scooter Libby. I cood teell John Mccain about these bonners – im shure thats one thing that Byrakk Obarma aint got
To save money, I use the cheese on my nob as sandwich spread. Is this normal?
When my dick gets hard it bends down and around and everytime it gos into my own ass, is that normal?
ok… weird guys
My penis is so damn big the only thing i manage to bang is elephants is that normal?
hi my dick can time travel and spends its time fucking various historical figures.
is that normal?
Sometimes I have to tuck my penis in my sock but if I get a boner it raises my right leg up in the air and I look like Chuck Norris doing a roundhouse kick.
haha. funny shit. this is so stupid. why am i here? mmm. im gone
hi my penis was so long it was 10 inches long is it normal?? i’m 12 yrs. old.. ang i love to put a balloon on it…
Well I,m 30 and i love big dicks!
I r 23 and be pro gigolo guy, me has as big penis as Satan in Hell’s asshole, I r super serial!
IVE SEEN BIGGER…IN MY MOUTH =O
hi my names tom I am actually typing this with my cock it is at least 19.34 inches long but it has a pointer on the end of it making it useful for day-to-day tasks such as typingThe only problem is when I pre-cum it goes all over the keys and I have to clean it, I can also tickle my wifes g-spot when shes sucking me off.However one time I came and it was actually black like dirty oil, is this normal?
When my dick gets hard it helps my mobile phone get better reception.
Is this normal?
Hi. This guy named’z kurtis his age is 16yrs old n his idck is 3inch when soft n his dick is 6 n half when hard.. Is that normal? Or too small? Or huge?
Huh?
Ahhhhahhahhah … i have never read such hilarious posts. ahhhhahahahahah … rofl … i think i’m going to burst laughing. 9 yr old with 12 inch long penises … hahaha … oh god … i have not laughed like this in ages. thanx a lot guys … btw … i am in Pakistan, it’s 6 am and i need to get some sleep. thanx a lot everyone. this was real fun.
I am 1 and my penis is 7 cm long which is 3inches is that normal?
i am 10
yea, it will grow once u hit puberty…
Just remember to water it every day and don’t expose it to direct sunlight.
my penis is like a swiss army kinfe and its so big people live on it but i hate them because they always make it itch on the little eye part. and the other day i was wheeling my cock down the road and i got arested because my large penis punched some old lady in her bingo-wings and she was allergic to penis so she died but i didnt mean it… then i tried to kill my penis but i got defeated because of its swiss army like features so i looked it in its itchy eye and it say to me “is this normal” and it shot me in the face with its special sauce and my face got pregnant then when the self-imbreed demon child was born it turned out to be david blane and all that was his new magic stunt…. but then he got put in jail because he was responsible for killing the old lady and when he was in prison someone put there john wayne up his bum-bum and made him say “oohhh unlce” and they smeared mayonase on him…. my penis also always spermes on people by accident…. also my friends penis is 1 inch long but its 12 inch wide so evrybody calls him pizza-dick is this normal. hahahaha (best comment yet!)
i have a bigger penis than this guy! Mine is 11inches in its flacid state! allmost 17inches when erect!!! see me, put me on C4 for crying out loud, his penis is small compared to mine!
yo yo yo, im kimmy and my penis is so long, that when i have a shit, my penis is dangling down the toilet and all the shit goes on my dick, and i say to my girlfriend “yo, bitch! come over here and suck all the chocolate sauce off my dick!” and she likes it ;]
I am the world’s biggest penis.
mine maybe small but it can fill a pram
well you know when people die they get buried 16 feet under ground well im gonna get burried 34 feet under, or it would poke out, and people would think it was a tree stump. and if they try to turn me sideway’s i will hit the other people’s coffins. is this normal?
I am very old, and I have never measured my penis, but for millions of years I have used it to keep the moon in orbit around the earth. When the moon goes dark, that is because I’m wrapping my enormous black cock around it. Once a month I unwrap it so I can fuck your mother. She is the only woman loose enough to take me. Most of the time I prefer the moon as it is much less rough and crusty than your mom. But a man has needs. Unfortunately she is not very satisfying because she is so loose that I don’t even touch the sides. So if you know any other loose women I am open to a change. (Someone suggested Paris or Britney, but I don’t want to catch anything. I would have sores the size of Mount Everest!)
Anyhow, is this normal?
hey im scott im 13 years old and erect my penis is 6.2 inches long and 3inches wide is that too small or what?
I’m black with a 24.5 inch white cock.
I am 10 years old.
Is this normal for a girl of my age?
Look, greta, I don’t think ur exactly telling th etruth. I hate liars, and I don’t think ur a) a girl or b) in the ownership of a 24.5 inch cock
piss off, liar face
Scott, maybe u havnt erected prop b4? if u live near me, I’ll give u a chance to find out wat a real erections like…
your a guy?????
this shit all sounds good but all of you big dick claimers cant show and stick so cut the bullshit i wish i could find a disease free big dick man who can stick and lick without making me choose between the 2 of which one he does the best goddamnnnnnnnnn wheres that jonah
I’m 17 and I got a 28 inch dick
helpp!!!
i am 32 and my pepe just up an fell off has this happen to other blokes? i tr/y contact cement to affix it back and it wont work right..
btw it measure 3.1415926535 inches on the main dry part when i stretch it out tight.. i stretched it out a lot but then it came off.
somehow i suspect it isnt normal
im 4 and my dick is 15 inches……….but on soft.When it gets hard its like 27 inches long!!I have to use it as a belt sometomes!!!
Um…. what’s a penis?