It’s about bloody time our Antipodean cousins got in on the act. This week, Neighbours had a tragedy. Now, we’re not talking about the day Joe Mangel’s wife died, nor even Helen Daniels death. A big proper Brookside-style event.

Quite often, just to shake up the interest, a soap with have something so utterly awful happen to the cast that they either get the sympathy viewers coming to them or, indeed, stay unpopular because nobody was watching in the first place.

Like Emmerdale Farm’s plane disaster, and the mass murderers of Corrie,
the folks on Neighbours have had a rough old time in an aeroplane. An aeroplane
that crashed. Into the sea. With half of the cast on board. Brilliant.

Hardy Neighbours (DVDs) perennials Susan Kennedy – whom most males with eyes have a
bizarre crush on – and Paul Daniels (aka Stefan ‘no-hit wonder’ Dennis)
were amongst the character flinging themselves about in a manner not unlike the battle
sequences of Shatner-era Star Trek.

Obviously, the budget of Neighbours, can only stretch so far. For example, it
is quite obvious that the cast are bobbing around in a badly lit, dry
ice filled pool. Not only this, but the footage of the plane actually
crashing… well… the producer didn’t bother putting it in. Herein lies
the genius.

Inventiveness.

As the plane suddenly falls silent – due to the engines running out of
petrol – there is a sense of odd calm before the imminent doom. To
be fair to some of the cast, their performances are of a lifetime – in particular the
struggle of Harold Bishop’s son, and the desperation of some other
fella who is going out with Susan K. For a brief moment, it is very
easy to get sucked in.

Obviously, all this is hanging in the air
(forgive the pun) while the news is reported back to the folks on Ramsey Street, and obviously – candle-lit vigils aside – they’re crying and
getting all ashen faced about their loved ones. Will Paul Daniels be
found out in the ocean clinging on to his wooden leg for dear life?
Will the young Irish lad be rescued by some friendly mermaids?

All this and an impending armed robbery trial. Oh, and some ‘working
class type’ getting a publishing deal for an expose novel. Far fetched?
Have you seen Footballers’ Wives recently? This is gritty, bona fide,
hardcore drama.

Today (Friday) sees Harold clinging to any hope that plastic hippy and
grand-daughter Sky is alive. Oh, and his son and daughter-in-law. In
fact, Harold is probably grieving the lot of ‘em. Someone dies (we won’t
spoil it) and their parents are quite understandably upset. In the middle of all the tears and wallowing there is
something for the romantics amongst you as Janae and Boyd declare their
love for each other (sod the dead brother! Oops! Gave it away!).

Death all week, and some love on a Friday. Aaaah! You see, the folks on Ramsey Street don’t want to spoil your weekend, do they?

Neighbours is on BBC1 every weekday at 5.35pm

[story by Mof Gimmers]