Courtney Love is basically the physical embodiment of a human train wreck. She also looks dirty 24/7, like even flies are like “Eww bitch, no.” You just see a photograph of her and feel your genitals start to itch. Her small bouts of sanity don’t even begin to combat this grunginess.
Love also appears to be the type to drop her panties in the back alley of a Skid Row bar for a beer and a smoke. Except that according to a new story she’s revealed, there is actually one dude, a famous one at that, that Courtney has turned down. It seems even Love has standards higher than Katy Perry.
So, Courtney Love was doing an interview with Alan Carr from Channel 4, and she described the time Russell Brand tried to mack it to Love, but she actually had a moment of self respect and shut his as down. Or, more accurately, Brand’s stench of revoltingness was too much even for Courtney. Which is kind of impressive when you think about the fact that years of crack cocaine use has probably rendered Love’s nose about as useful as Michael Jackson’s after 1995.
“My favorite Russell Brand line was when we first were friends and he tried to hit on me and nothing ever happened. He goes, ‘I’ve had a lot of grand conversations, darling, but none of them have ever ended in an orgasm. Can we go in your room? He’s got some good lines. [But] I said to Russell, ‘You’re too musky for me, man.’ He is a little musky. We did yoga together and the musk was there.”
Hmm, based on the fact that Love said this happened when they first became friends, this most likely means Brand hit on her during his boozing/sleeping with toothless hooker stage of life. So I totally buy that Russell probably did attempt to let his already filthy penis enter the danger zone. Brand does consider himself a rocker of sorts, so I am sure banging Kurt Cobain’s ex wife is somewhat cool to someone somewhere. I don’t know who these somebodies are, but that’s beside the point.
This makes me wonder just how bad does Brand smell? Was this just a stench he acquired while slumming the gutters, or did he still have this stench when he started banging Katy Perry? While Perry does make terrible choices when it comes to men (see: Travie McCoy, Brand, John fucking Mayer), I can’t imagine why she’d choose to marry a dude who reeks so bad that Courtney Love says “Thanks, but no thanks.” That is just baaad. And she got with him when she was already ridiculously famous and could have likely gotten with almost anyone. Interesting.
Now, back to Love’s story. How the fuck was that a good line by Brand? I take that as “Shut up and let’s get this going, nothing you say is nearly as interesting as you on your back.” Let’s be honest, that’s probably true and I doubt Brand was the first guy to say that to Courtney, but I wouldn’t call it a good line. I am hoping Russell’s line game has improved drastically since that obviously low point in his life, and that he will show it off with a really good Twitter rebuttal (or confirmation) to this story. Maybe with a picture of him in the shower, just for reassurance.