What is it about the Deep South of America that scares the crap out of me?

If ever I was to rank all the places in the world according to where I would like to go before I die, it would probably appear below warzones Afghanistan and Burma. It’s still above France though.

It’s ridiculous, I know, but I’m British. My only knowledge of the area comes from appalling horror movies and one heavily-edited episode of Top Gear. But there is something about the place which really freaks me out.

For some reason I have this idea in my head that every shop I go in will be festooned with dead animals and that a toothless old man in a rocking chair will darkly greet me with the words “We don’t get many strangers round ’ere”.

There is no way I would last. I am a city boy, with no religious or racial prejudices to boast of. I would be hung as ‘a dievil’ quicker than you can say Rosco P. Coltrane.

The release of the first season of True Blood has done nothing to ease my fears. In fact, rather than stop me worrying about tales of sodomy and superstition, I have now added vampires, telepathic virgins, man-dogs and girls named Sookie (really) to my list of reasons not to go.

What makes it worse, is that in True Blood world, vampires are accepted after ‘coming out of the coffin’, thanks largely to a new drink called Tru Blood, which uses synthetic blood.

They own nightclubs, have their own fan clubs (fang bangers – girls who let vampires bite them) and even campaign for equal rights on late night TV shows.

Sure, it’s supposed to be fiction, but sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, right? I am sure life in Bon Temps, where the series is shot, is all bonnets and butterflies, but it’s so far removed from my own world I have no idea what to expect.

The closest I have ever been to the Deep South is Disneyland. For all I know, True Blood is an accurate snapshot of Louisiana life.

Thank you Hollywood and TV Land for turning me into an idiot.

But is True Blood any good? Well, after being showered with praise and awards since it first aired on HBO on September 2, 2008, it certainly has a lot of fans.

Based on the The Southern Vampire Mysteries novels by Charlaine Harris, it centres on telepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), who risks the wrath of the good townspeople of Bon Temps when she falls in love with dirty, blood-sucking vampire Bill Compton, played by British actor Stephen Moyer. To add more bite, there is someone going around killing anybody who associates with vampires.

What you get is a pretty good TV series, which brushes on themes such as religious hypocrisy, minority rights and sexual fantasies thicker than a dub of black molasses.

The two main characters, to be honest, are the worst thing in it. Paquin is a fantastic actress and at least while pretending to listen to people’s thoughts does not follow Greg Grunberg’s method of cocking his head like a confused dog.

But Sookie, a waitress at Bon Temps bar Merlotte’s, is essentially an annoying character – from her toothy grin to her sullied goody two shoes.

Moyer is even worse and capable of just two expressions: one when he shows his fangs and the other when tries to look mean and moody but just looks like a man who feels guilty about farting in a lift of strangers.

In fact, the only thing interesting about his character is he’s, well, a vampire and he’s 173 years old, which admittedly is quite interesting.

The only thing interesting about Sookie is she has sex with a 173-year-old dead man. Which, technically, makes her a right weirdo.

But the real genius of True Blood is the supporting cast members, particularly three characters. First, there’s Sookie’s dim-witted older brother Jason, played brilliantly by Aussie actor Ryan Kwanten, who is not only addicted to vampire blood (the latest drug on the street) but would also stick his dick in a bag of soot.

Then there’s Sookie’s best mate, the tempestuous Tara, and, best of all, her cousin, Lafayette, who is not only a cook but also the town’s drug dealer and rent boy.

They all serve to add a bit more bite to a largely uninteresting main plot.

Thank God then for more than the occasional sex scene to keep you keen – just not keen enough to go yourself.

True Blood: Season One is released on DVD on Monday

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