With all the Beyonce and Jay Z divorce rumours spreading like herpes at Paris Hilton’s beach house, I’ve been starting to think that maybe there is no such thing as true love. However, thanks to the beautiful, delicate angel that is Courtney Stodden, and her not creepy at all husband, Doug Hutchison, I now once again believe true love can prevail.
That’s right, after ripping out my heart, shitting on it, spraying it with Justin Bieber’s perfume for ladies, then giving it to Kris Jenner to drain the blood from it to wash her face with, Courtney and Doug have won me back by announcing they are getting back together. True love wins here, kids.
The other day I was reading an article about poor women in Cambodia who sell their young daughter’s virginities to wealthy old men because they’re poor and starving and desperate. And with that, I shall segue into talking about Courtney Stodden’s mom, Krista Keller, who told FOX (the classiest news show for the classiest lady):
Courtney realized just how much love she really had for Doug. They really love each other and wanted to be together.
In case you don’t understand terrible pimp mom talk, let me translate:
Courtney ran out of money and people didn’t really care that much about her on her own, and Doug has an upcoming one episode guest spot on “CSI: Miami” as a serial killer/pedophile, so we figured it would be best for her to get back with him before that cheque clears.
I’d eye roll at you, Krista Keller, if it weren’t for the fact that all my dreams are coming true and THE celebrity couples to end all couples is finally back together. This is how I feel right now:
Actually, I take that back, no gif can truly capture my excitement.