Listen up, nostalgia freaks. Good news and bad news.

GOOD NEWS - There’s a rumour in Hollywood that soon there’ll be a new Transformers movie. Fantastic! After all, who doesn’t secretly harbour an inner-eight-year-old whose strongest desire is to see Optimus Prime and company stomping across the big screen?

BAD NEWS – The direcor is either going to be Pearl Harbour’s Michael Bay, or Roland Emmerich – the  devil-entity behind such great flaming turds as Godzilla and Universal Soldier.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. Christ almighty …

Clearly whoever decided this is some poor misguided soul with precisely zero appreciation of the Transformers universe. You know … someone like a girl. A girl or someone else; someone with nasty distracting things like friends or a job or a life. Which is just plain inconsiderate.

Weighing up this monumental decision, hecklerspray has to concede: we grudingly come out on the side of Bay. Bay is better than Emmerich, after all … but only in the same way that stepping in a puddle of raw sewage is better than kneeling down on the ground and licking it all up.

Now, this is all slightly disappointing. What could have been a great two-hour summer blockbuster (had it been handed to someone like Ridley Scott) is now sure to be a turgid orgy of CGI accompained by a whorey old dismal Nickelback-lite rawk soundtrack. A bit of a shame, true. But not the end of the world. Life goes on.

Yeah. Right. Try telling that to the fanboys …

As ever, they’re up in arms (assuming there’s enough room in their darkened bedrooms for them to actually move their arms, at least without knocking over empty pizza boxes or damaging suspiciously-stained Jessica Alba posters).

Take a look at the ‘Ain’t It Cool’ messsge board – assuming, that is, you can wade a path through the six-million-or-so exclamation marks on the way. ‘Michael Bay is a lame choice,’ pouts someone called Heckles (add an ‘r’ and a ‘pray’ to that name, my lad, and you’re facing legal action …)

Best of all, though, is the claim from somebody that – upon seeing the original movie for the first time – it well and truly ‘rocked his ass.’

Hmm. Quite. What would Orson Welles say?

Read More On The Robots In Disguise At Ain’t It Cool

[story by C J Davies]