Tori Spelling Up The Duff
Being in love does funny things to people, not least to Tori Spelling. Her marriage to Man Nobody Knows Dean McDermott has boosted Tori Spelling from being a mega mega micro nano-celebrity to a certified regular nano-celebrity.
Despite doing nothing with her life except for having the world's richest nepotist for a Dad, Tori Spelling has somehow elbowed her way into the news again, this time for getting pregnant. We're not sure about you, but we're deeply envious of Tori Spelling's unborn foetus since the lucky swine is entirely made up of genetic material from the shit one out of Beverly Hills 90210 and some bloke who was once in a Def Leppard biopic five years ago.
When you look at the stars of Beverly Hills 90210 in their prime, you'd have hardly expected Tori Spelling to emerge as the most famous of them. Jason Priestly has disappeared into TV guest-star hell, Ian Ziering does the voices in Biker Mice From Mars, Shannen Doherty crashes her cars and breaks up with people for a living and Hillary Swank appears to have started collecting little golden men or something. And all have been eclipsed by Tori Spelling.
Not that Tori Spelling has, you know, done anything to warrant her fame – unless her role in TV movie Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? picked up a buzz that passed us by – but, hey, Tori Spelling had her own reality TV show for a while, and that's good enough for us, especially when the star of it was an out-of-touch former childstar who got married to someone, then divorced from him and married to someone else in really quick succession like some kind of moron, which is more or less what happened.
We'll be honest here; when Tori Spelling married second husband Dean McDermott, there were moments when we wanted to see the marriage fail. Not because we revel in other people's unhappiness – well, not much – but because Dean McDermott would have looked a right tit walking around with that giant tattoo of Tori Spelling's face on his shoulder if she wasn't his wife any more. It looks like the marriage between Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott will last a bit longer than we expected, though, because Tori Spelling has announced that she's pregnant, and the baby is due in the springtime. Tori Spelling told US Weekly:
"Dean and I are thrilled to be expecting our first child together. I can't wait to be a mom!"
Let's hope that the Spelling estate decides to immortalise this moment of Tori Spelling pregnancy in an all-star made-for-TV biopic. They could call it The Day The Woman None Of You Give A Toss About Announced To An Uncaring World That She Was Pregnant. Or something.
Read more:
[story by Stuart Heritage]
Fuck me, that is gonna be one ugly baby. If all that money & hollywood’s complement of plastic surgeons couldn’t fix that lantern-jawed mooncalf, what chance it’s do her whelps have hmmm? Won’t someone think of the children?