Tori Spelling Marries Some Gays

After multiple minutes of Bible study and prayer, Tori Spelling has come to realise there's no way the modern Catholic Church is right. She whittled down her reasoning to 95 theses she later staked to the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany. After that she seceded from the Catholic Church to form a religious body that would allow divorce, and then she ascended to heaven from a big round rock.

And after that Tori Spelling shot back down to Earth to fill out an online application for an electronic ministry. Now with the power of God and the internet behind her, Spelling is ready to assemble a massive congregation for the preaching, and possibly to resurrect her father just long enough to kick him in the undead nuts. Nice will, Dad!

She says this of her new religious powers: "Yep, that's right. … Reverend Tori Spelling! I did it last week online and my official certificate is in the mail. I'm so proud."

Easy Spelling - sometimes these religious start-ups end poorly.

Tori Spelling is many things. She's an incredible author, a wonderful baby-squeezer-outer, and the wife of a man recent developments imply Spelling may have married to herself while he slept. As it were, Spelling is a fully legit minister with the power to marry people, and marry people she will!

Like many modern day messiahs, Tori Spelling has a people. She has a people to free from Egyptian bondage or something, and then to lead into the land of milk & honey. And come hell or high water - she'll see this through. Or she'll just use her newfound ministerial powers to conduct gay weddings on her porch.

Whatever she's gonna do with it, Tori Spelling is a full fledged minister now. She got her certificate online and she has every intention to use it too. As we already said, she officiated at a same sex union recently:

"I was so honored when the couple asked me to officiate. We did it on the front steps of the Chateau as 40 of their friends looked on seated in a loungelike atmosphere. It was so beautiful as I united Tony and Dex as life partners in love. They wrote their own beautiful vows and there was so much love surrounding them that there wasn't a dry eye in the driveway!"

Gays, we'd just like to say it's fine if you want Spelling to marry you or whatever. Just know that we have an online ministerial degree too - and though we may be a touch more expensive, we'd actually let you come inside.

Honestly, we have no idea why she seems to hate you all so much.

Read More:

Tori Spelling Officiates - E! Online

Become An Online Minister Here