If you pay any attention to popular culture, you probably don’t need me to tell you that Donald Trump is one of the most hate-filled, quasi-celebrities on the planet. The business ‘magnate’, and star of NBC’s The Apprentice is the embodiment of the term ‘money can’t buy class’. Apparently, money also can’t buy a decent hairpiece. It can, however, buy you a series of wives – each younger than the last.
As Trump has become more engrained in our cultural zeitgeist, he has managed to get involved in more highly-publicized fights than a Real Housewife. Whether its a daytime talk show host, or the President of the United States, Trump seems to see it as his job to point unnecessary and derogatory commentary at those who doubt his self-appointed position as Supreme Commander Of The Universe.
Here, for your reading pleasure, is a summary of Trump’s vile demagoguery over the years:
Big Fat Rosie
By 2006, The Apprentice was chugging along nicely and was a breakout hit for NBC. Despite this, Donald didn’t really have much of a cultural presence outside of the show – aside from his line of ties at Macy’s. This all changed, however, the day Rosie O’Donnell dared to criticise him. Here’s the clip of Ro ripping Donald for his handling of a scandal in the Miss USA pageant, which he owns.
As someone who considers himself the male version of a fag hag, I will always come to Rosie’s defence. I consider her to be Queen of the Lesbians, and I fully support her right to wear Crocs to any formal event. Donald, however, did not react well to her comments. Being such a level-headed businessman, Donald chose not to respond directly to O’Donnell’s accusations, instead choosing to go on various news outlets to call her “fat” and a “failure”. Don’t throw stones from a glass house, Donald. At least Rosie knows she’s fat; he seems to think that his is some kind of hunk who attracts beautiful women with his chiseled features. Here’s a tip, Donald: the only reason they are going down there is to get the wallet from your pocket.
If you are unaware of the birther movement, allow me to educate you. Birthers are a special kind of crazy in the fringe of US politics, who insist that President Obama wasn’t born in the USA. They ignore the fact that Obama has released his entire birth certificate; but that’s to be expected with these people. They have about as many brain cells as they do teeth; which is very few.
The birther movement was given mainstream attention by everyone’s favourite political expert, Mr Donald Trump. The all-knowing oracle surmised that the President was not born in the US, and even hired a private investigator to legitimise his insane theory. Suffice to say, he didn’t find the answers he was looking for. Trump accelerated his political interest last year, by flirting with a run for the presidency. I could make fun of this move, but Seth Meyers said it all at the 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner:
After being humiliated into submission, poor Don hasn’t shut up about politics. Just last week, he justified the birthed movement by saying: “And by the way, you know, you have a huge group of people. I walk down the street and people are screaming, ‘Please don’t give that up.’” So, Obama isn’t a citizen because a lot of people believe so? A lot of people think that Donald Trump is a colossal prick. The only difference is, those people are both sane and correct.
Earlier this year, Trump again courted controversy by allowing the disqualification of a transgendered contestant from the Miss Canada pageant. Jenna Talackova was born male, but had gender reassignment surgery when she was 19. Talackova tried to appeal the decision, with her lawyer arguing that Jenna “… did not ask Mr. Trump to prove that he is a naturally-born man, or to see the photos of his birth, to view his anatomy, to prove that he was male. It made no difference to her. Why should it have made a difference to him?”
Trump responded by saying: “I think [Talakova's female lawyer] would be very, very, very impressed with my anatomy,” he said. “I think she’d have a whole, brand-new image of Donald Trump.”
If you didn’t barf in your mouth after reading that, I applaud you. It’s actually pretty skilful of Trump, as he managed to alienate all women while trying to explain his alienation of the LGBT community. I don’t think this guy will stop until everyone on the planet hates him.
Calling His Bluff-ington
Finally, we turn to Trump’s latest attack. As an unintelligent conspiracy theorist, it’s not surprising that Donald has an issue with The Huffington Post. The internet newspaper is known for its liberal viewpoint, and coverage of the many ridiculous figures on the right. Rather than engage in any kind of intellectual debate, Trump decided to take a shot at the personal life of the site’s founder, Arianna Huffington, by mocking her marriage on Twitter:
I’m unaware of Trump’s reason for attacking Ms Huffington. I’ve trawled the internet to find evidence of anything she has done to irritate him. Maybe he just really doesn’t like her accent – which I personally find enchanting. Or maybe he’s jealous of her success. After all, she has managed to build an empire without her daddy’s money. She also hasn’t ever filed for bankruptcy, which is something of an annual tradition for Trump.
After seeing all of the terrible things this guy has said, I just wish Donald would fuck off. Why does he need to subject us all to his terrible views and even more terrible face? He should just take his money and drive off into the sunset with his
Eastern European prostitute wife, and never come back.