Star Wars fans have had to deal with their fair share of disappointments. Return of the Jedi ending in a teddy bear’s picnic is one. Another was watching The Phantom Menace.
But maybe as Star Wars fans we see the series through rose-tinted spectacles. Maybe – and it hurts us to say this – it was never that good in the first place. Maybe as impressionable young kids we were just taken for the ride of our life through a galaxy far, far away and totally missed the dodgy script, hammy acting and bloody Ewoks.
All right, maybe not. That’s just crazy talk. But it has made me start thinking about things that could have been better throughout the series – not just the three prequels. What if the Jawas rather than the Ewoks helped the Rebels defeat the Empire on Endor? Would that have been better? Maybe. Would it have been even better if Yoda had done some actual fighting in The Empire Strikes Back? No, probably not.
Oh, and would the world have been a better place if Jar Jar Binks had died horribly at the start of Phantom Menace? Definitely. So what about the characters? Were there any characters that just didn’t quite live up to expectations? Quite possibly. Here’s six…
After they slaughter the Jawas and murder Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, Obi Wan really bigs them up. He says, “Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise.” You must be having a laugh, Kenobi. What he fails to mention, of course, is that they couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo. Crack unit?? Forget it. More like on-crack unit! That would also explain the mind control trick working so easily on them.
We remember being very excited about the prospect of him pulling the arms off some Stormtroopers, but it never happened. All he ever did was whine all the time.
4. Anakin Skywalker
No wonder he turned to the dark side of the force. Look, who would you rather invite to your party? The hard-as-nails, tall guy with loads of party tricks and a ready-made costume, or the petulant, annoying bastard who takes himself too seriously. We know who we prefer.
Bloody teddy bears! The only reason they put Ewoks in was to attract more girls to buy the action figures.
2. Darth Maul
He should have been so good. He had a double-sided lightsabre for God’s sake. But he was just a dwarf who died pretty quickly. Rubbish.
1. Boba Fett
OK, we all loved Boba Fett – he is a cult character. He was the coolest of all the action figures and was one of the few to actually stand up to Darth Vader. But we feel at little let down by him at hecklerspray towers. Sure, he was the one that tracked down Han Solo and took him to Jabba. But what else did he do? Nothing. To cap things off he gets eaten by a giant anus. Might as well have been Bob Fett.
This list is about as lame as the “Killed to death” story…
Yeah…Where’s Milton from Office Space, haters?!!!
Stabby McGee says
LEGO STAR WARS
Read a book.
Wow. This is a really bad article. You lost me at “it was never that good in the first place”. Write a Star Wars article and people read it. Why? Because Star Wars, especially the originals, is F’n fantastic you spooge monkey. Fucktards like you should not be able to take advantage of the 1st Amendment because you make my brain hurt.
boba fett doesn’t die though. he is only disappointing because they didn’t (and don’t have plans to) make episodes 7,8 and 9, which are pretty much the thrawn trilogy books.
Good analysis! I’d like to vouch for Maul and Chewbacca. Chewbacca was cool overall. Ask anyone. And Maul didn’t get the kind of death we expected, but Obi pwns, like it or not!
Rick Shan says
1st Go to the hospital or someone that can take care of you because you must have eaten something really bad to put Boba Fett on the 1st place
2nd Investigate more about the characters before making horrible articles like this! Star Wars isn’t just the movies!
Bob Fett says
“Might as well have been Bob Fett.”
Brian Smith says
The Stormtroopers have trouble hitting in battle because they are being shot at! The Jawas were not able to fight back nor were Owen and Beru. It is very different when your target shoots back. You would know that if you had ever seen combat.
The Luke, Han, and Lea hit what they shoot at because they are the heroes of the story.
Niles Day says
And it’s not a problem that the heroes automatically got blessed aim while the bad guys who already’ve won mind you, got pathetic aim?
design it says
I’ll not speak about your competence, the post simply disgusting