The new season of American Idol starts tomorrow.

We will of course be providing full, gold-plated coverage of the goings on (here’s a quick preview: a contestant’s granddad just died, a contestant has a sad mother who’d cheer up if they won the show, and a contestant has an inexplicably over-developed sense of their own importance).

Anyway, because you are without doubt almost fainting from pre-Idol expectation, we have generously collected some of our favourite bits from the show’s past. Featuring delusional Abdul, a girl who laughs without actually laughing, and DioGuardi‘s titties: enjoy!

Number 5: William Hung Shows Us What A Photon Of Sexiness Looks Like.

It’s old, but still gold. William – the tubby, goof-toothed kid from Hong Kong who was now some kind of physics boffin in the US – decided to show us what Ricky Martin was really singing about with She Bangs (apparently, it was the least sexy thing it is possible to imagine without invoking thoughts of Vaseline, a pineapple and that fat bloke with all the hair from Lost).

Number 4: Tatiana Del Toro Laughs Somewhat Less Than Spontaneously.

Wonderful moment here, as the frankly certifiable Katiana tries to dredge a real emotion up from her cold, dead, stage-schooled-to-hell-and-back heart. She fails.

Number 3: Kara DioGuardi Shows Us Her Boobies. Boobies!

You remember Bikini Girl, right? She was the flat-chested skank who couldn’t sing, got kicked off, and was then invited to return as the melon-chested skank who couldn’t sing. And who was then humiliated by one of the judges appearing behind her, singing the song well and then whipping off her dress to reveal a surprisingly/pleasingly nice body.

Number 2: Paula Abdul Can See Into The Future

Oh, Paula. We’ll miss you. More specifically, we’ll miss your rambling journeys into nonsense, which leave Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest shuffling around awkwardly as they try to imagine what the frig you may have been trying to say, and how the hell they can correct you without sending you into a crazy whirlwind of teeth and false nails.

Number 1: Renaldo Lapuz Gays It Up With Simon

Drum roll please……dddrrrrrr….

Look, just tap randomly on your keyboard or something, okay? The hecklerspray budget runneth not to sound effects. Plus, you already know what’s coming up, so it’s kind of….

Ah, screw it. Here is our very favourite American Idol moment ever which features a delusional South American, an awkward-yet-somehow-quite-enjoying-it Brit, and more white faux fur than the Annual Convention Of Orange-Faced Divorcees (New Jersey Chapter).

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