Every four years, we watch the most athletic, well-tuned individuals on earth go up and compete against each other. These are physically the best humanity has to offer, and they have trained sometimes for their whole lives to reach this pinnacle moment to showcase their greatness. In other words, they are unlike this generation’s basement dwellers who haven’t seen sunlight since the doctor pulled them out and said “it’s a boy!” They actually run, they leap, they fight and not just by pressing keys in World of VirginCraft.
Are you ready to go outside? Are you ready to meet real people and dive into real failure you can’t just hit the reset button from? Are you ready to put down the anime and meet a real life walking, talking girl that isn’t related by bloodline? Of course not, that’s why you’re on the internet right now! But there’s still hope! Do you think Brad Pitt ever checks Facebook? When was the last time you heard about George Clooney giving a damn about his Twitter feed and not sleeping with supermodel # 4139? Nevertheless, let’s humor the notion you might find yourself out in broad daylight for more than just paying the pizza delivery guy and entertain the plan set out, that you might go to the Olympics four years from now. If you play your cards right that is..
Today, we will inspire you, we will motivate you, we will get you off that chair and into your comfy couch to watch these Top 3 Olympic Movies That’ll Get You Moving!!
Perfection comes with a price. Your childhood. Probably, not in the way you envisioned losing your childhood to Starcraft and reruns of Power Rangers. Nadia Comaneci trained, and trained, and trained even more to achieve the highest honor in her profession. The first perfect 10, and she did all of this at the age of fourteen. You must be thinking to yourself right now, what were you doing at age fourteen? Should have been doing cartwheels to attract a young vibrant gymnast instructor like Belya Karolyi! Of course, this all happened in a past world that had high hopes and innocent dreams like space travel. Unlike today’s world where you’re more likely be found by the vibrant instructors of Penn State instead and people complain about money spent on the Mars Rover. Strong Curiosity.
Gymnastics is one of the most artful form of athletics in the world and also one of the most difficult. The very idea of sticking a landing is hard on the knees, and you have to start young as to remain as flexible as possible. This is a sport of risk, and intrigue. This film is a story of a girl who started off the same as you and me, who worked until she hit greatness. The envy of the entire world, the starlet of Romania, and icon to global gymnastics. Think about that the next time you’re stuffing yourself full of Cheeze Doodles and watching how drunk Snookie got on Jersey Shore this week.
Where Are They Now:
Nadia Comaneci is actively involved in several charities and various international organizations today including the International Special Olympics and Muscular Dystrophy Association. She was appointed an Honorary Consul General of Romania while living in her new found home in the United States. This is a huge honor, she and her coach Belya Karolyi were once resented in Romania as defectors to the United States. Most recently you might have caught her carrying the Olympic Torch towards Britain’s O2 Arena as part of the torch relay. This is a living legend.
Modern Gymnastics Comedy:
One of the most hilarious parts to spawn out of the Olympics. Even McKayla Maroney herself has joined in on the fun. This is probably what Americans would react today to a modern moon landing. That’s it? No Aliens? We’re paying taxes for this? Let’s focus on more important issues like the public education system, it’s a guaranteed success! Space never did anything for anyone. Four more years! Four more years!
Inspiration Factor: Definite Must Watch.
One of the best ways to inspire oneself is to watch others succeed and become the best in what they set out to be. This case is no different. See Gymnastics perfection, personified. Athletes that push themselves to the limit are few, welcome the elite to your household and into your dreams. See greatness, so you can become greatness. A whole sport reached mainstream exposure and whipped a whole generation of young people into an interest in Gymnastics because of her, and she was just fourteen. Don’t stray around and get around to watching, just watch it now. Desire to be the best, hunger for that one extra fraction of the point in something other than Call of Duty, because someday, somewhere it’ll matter.
Action at the Olympic Village for Gymnastics:
One Deleted Tweet, and Several Minutes Later…
Lol, classic. Father must be watching her like a Hawk. Can never be too careful these days with all those crafty gymnasts around, could be hiding somewhere on the ceiling Spiderman style when the parents wish her an early night sleep. “What do you mean you’re hitting the bars early today?!” Oh *sigh, laughs*, have a great time!”
2) Dying to be Perfect: The Ellen Hart Pena Story
Powerful and underrated film about a woman driven to perfection and success in a sport that doesn’t require Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets for sustenance. It should be watched by all, especially by young women dealing with anorexia and bulimia. In the film Ellen Hart Pena struggles with the problem of maintaining her weight in a type of constant cycle of binging and purging modern popular athletes like Snookie wouldn’t understand. This is a very emotional movie, and not just because it was on Lifetime.
Anyone who’s ever been driven to true perfection can relate on some level of the cost and time it takes to get there. Winning takes time, pain, and your absolute physical peak. It’s when being at your physical peak requires you to keep a secret about yourself shrouded in mystery, with constant visits to the bathroom to purge yourself of what you consumed that you must look within. The body follows the mind after all. Highly recommended film.
Where Are They Now:
Ellen Hart Pena, is a public lecturer and gives speeches about her now very public disorders. It takes a strong personality to admit weakness, as everybody knows the media loves tearing people down as soon as they’re finished building them up.
People Not Dying To Be Perfect:
Pictured above are the ones who did the complete opposite of binging and purging. Sometimes one more Hot Pocket isn’t gonna hurt after all. Sometimes drinking SlimFast is just a more contemporary replacement for soft drinks like Pepsi.
Inspiration Factor: Must Watch.
Don’t just sit there basking in the glow of your Apple Pornbook Pro. Remember just being yourself all the time never got anyone elected to public office.
Action at the Olympic Village for Track and Field:
Pretty damn good if you’re a Jamaican dude and coincidently also the current fastest man on earth. If sleeping with the entire Swedish Handball team is not motivating enough to join Track and Field? Well, what is?
3) Personal Best
Hot Lesbian Sex, does anything more need to be said? In all seriousness, this film was released before such Olympic classics like NBC’s salute to the female form “Bodies in Motion” . This was a movie about passion, romance, and feminine physicality. Despite their hard work and commitment, their hopes and dreams are dashed as the U.S announces it’s boycott of the 1980 Olympics games for political reasons. Much like David Stern’s “basketball reasons” of today. All their work is thrown away leaving them only with the personal bests they achieved during trials and leaving the question of ‘what if?’ forever. But then life is not about what if’s, it’s about what is.
This film is powerful in the sense that no matter how much you work, or train, or how much drive you have.. Not everyone can win. Not everybody’s dream comes true. All the work is done so if somehow you happen to be somewhere at the right time, at the right moment, you’re ready.
Where Are They Now:
Patrice Donnelly, was last seen in the film American Anthem 1986 playing a strict assistant coach. In real life, Patrice attended the 1976 Summer Olympics as a 100 meter Hurdler for the Unites States but did not win any medals. She was once ranked the fourth best hurdler in the entire planet.
People Also Achieving Their Personal Best:
Notice the home made lightsaber and newly dried towel reformed into a cape. Some people are winners in different ways, like rolling the dice on chancy things like the next time you’ll have any sort of interaction with a female.
Inspiration Factor: Good Show
Watch and you’ll celebrate the stature of the human figure in ways you never imagined before. Now playing daily on Cinemax.
Action at the Olympic Village for Hot Chicks:
I’ll just leave this picture of Olympic perfection so the imagination can wander. Till next time I’m Nir Regev, your host and standup comedian!