They may be able to talk the talk ? but can they really walk the walk?
Hollywood movies are littered with so-called tough guys. But take away their stunt doubles, green screens and fake guns and what do you have left? Nic Cage? He’s just a lanky streak of piss. Mel Gibson? Give me a break. Mark Wahlberg? Don’t make us laugh. Tom Cruise? Now you really are taking the piss.
Well, hecklerspray has come up with a list of Hollywood actors we think really could mix it with the best of them. These are Hollywood hardmen who really did live up to the name.
Enjoy! And if you have a problem with our choices, we’ll be waiting outside…
25. Kurt Russell
He’s the only Snake we like. In his heyday he could kick your ass with just one eye.
24. Bruce Willis
OK, so maybe we are getting carried away after watching the Die Hard series too many times ? but what the hell.
23. Lee Marvin
He would slap you like a bitch.
22. Jason Statham
OK, so he would probably get his arse kicked by someone higher than a blue belt in karate, but we’ll let him off because he’s British and went out with Kelly Brook. What do you mean those are stupid reasons?
21. James Gandolfini
Whatever you do ?don’t get on the wrong side of him.
20. David Carradine
Forget the fact the he died dressed as a lady in a cupboard with a string around his penis – he was in Kill Bill! Are you kidding?
19. Charles Bronson
You would have to have had a Death Wish to take on Charles Bronson in his prime.
18. Steve McQueen
There’s menace in those eyes of his ? mark our words. It’s also just an excuse to see one of the best movie car chase scenes ever.
17. Chow Yun-Fat
He’s one Fat guy you would not want to tease.
16. Jackie Chan
It’s hard to think of Jackie Chan as a tough guy, but would you pick a fight with him?
15. Jack Bauer
Technically he’s a character and not a real person, so he probably shouldn’t be on this list. But are you going to tell him that?
14. Steven Seagal
Would have appeared higher but for a story we heard about the Divine Ponytail. Apparently, Seagal was always trash-talking Van Damme back in the day. But then one day while in a nightclub Van Damme had enough and offered Seagal out for a fight, which he backed out of. So it’s official – Seagal is not as hard as Van Damme.
13. Vin Diesel
Something tells us he’s all fart and no shit, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
12. Russell Crowe
OK, so he’s a complete knob. But you get the impression he can handle himself pretty well.
11. James Cagney
So he was a dwarf ? but he was a streetwise one. You would not want to turn your back on him, that’s for sure.
10. Toshiro Mifune
A World War Two veteran, Toshiro is best known for his collaboration with filmmaker Akira Kurosawa in films such as Rashomon, Seven Samurai, Throne of Blood and Yojimbo. He’s also pretty handy with a sword.
9. Sean Connery
A former bodybuilder who even now at hundred and something could probably kick the crap out of most of the supposed Hollywood tough guys.
8. Clint Eastwood
You really would not want to get on the wrong side of Clint.
7. John Wayne
Embodied everything a Hollywood tough guy should be. Now shut up and drink your milk.
6. Jean Claude Van Damme
Would have been higher but for the fact he’s Belgian. Nobody from Belgium is that hard.
5. Jet Li
One scary bastard.
4. Dolph Lundgren
During the filming of Rocky IV, Dolph ?- a former karate champion in his homeland of Sweden – hit Sly so hard he was put in intensive care.
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger
OK, so he has become a bit of a joke. But laugh in front of him and it could be hasta la vista baby.
2. Bruce Lee
The greatest icon in martial arts cinema. Just was not quite as hard in real life as Chuck Norris, who had a beard and a hairy chest to prove that. But just for Bruce Lee fans, above is Lee kicking the crap out of a young Chuck Norris. Only in the movies?
1. Chuck Norris
There is nothing on this planet harder than Chuck Norris ? it’s a fact. He’s the only man alive that could stage a military coup all on his own. And just to back that up, here are some FACTS about Chuck Norris, courtesy of chucknorrisfacts.com.
1. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
2. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognises the element of surprise.
3. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
4. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
5. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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Waleed Al-Telbany says
What makes a man strong? Being a martial artist? Being a bodybuilder?
OK, I believe now you should use your mind and figure out who is the strongest ever? Simply, the Muscles from Brussels, Jean-Claude Van Damme.
jake tilman says
Vam Damme needs to be number 1 or 2
iggy24 says
1 Bronson
2 Eastwood
3 Statham
Beth says
Chuck Norris had to have his jeans let out in the crotch. I think that entitles him to first place in everything.
I’m pretty sure even I could kick the shit out of Jason Statham.
Albion says
Russell Crowe? Nay!
The JIZZBALL doesn’t go out without a couple of bodyguards and certainly wont throw his weight around when alone.
He ain’t a big boy – only about 90 kg and 182cm (180lb and 5’11)
David Walls says
What about Molly, can’t remember his real name, 70’s big guy with a cowboy hat hit man/enforcer, In one movie he was holed up in a whore house for a while, help me on this one. I’m trying to get his name, how comes I is here!!
neil says
1 Liam Neeson
2 Ray Winstone
3 Vinnie Jones
All British hard bastards!