HecklerSpray

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Top 15 Most Badass Videogame Weapons

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image003You know, here at Hecklerspray, we deplore violence.

But even we cannot fathom why people get in such a flap about videogame violence – it’s not real. Besides, the more time some sweaty kid spends locked up in his room playing Grand Theft Auto, the less time he is out on the street causing mischief. It also means he can satisfy his bloodlust within the four walls of his bedroom ? just like certain other urges teenage boys get.

And if he wants to beat some poor old lady to death in the street, so be it. It’s only pixels after all. Nobody gets hurt.
And let’s face it, as anyone who has ever used the subway or the tube will testify, we all get these urges to maim and brutally attack annoying people. So what better way to get it out of your system?

Thankfully, videogame manufacturers have recognise that need and have come up with increasing inventive ways of satisfying our primal urge to kill, maim and disfigure virtual opponents. Here we count down the 15 most badass instruments of death ever committed to pixels.

15. Various – Thompson machine gun

The “Tommy” gun has been a mainstay in the computer game scene for years, with its most notable appearance coming in the renowned Medal of Honor series. Others include ?Call of Duty and almost every other WW2 game out there. Not incredibly accurate, this sub-machine gun is handy in most situations providing a good dose of point and spray anarchy.

14. Mario Kart series – Red Turtleshell

The Mario Kart series is a highly enjoyable racing game known the world over for its recognisable characters and fun gameplay. Although never has such a fun game brought dread and fear to a player. Seeing this red turtleshell in your opponent’s screen can bring on a fit of pleading for mercy. It’s both annoying to its victim and handy to its wielder when it automatically targets its opponents with near 100% accuracy.

13. Max Payne 2 – Striker Shotgun

A personal favourite, the Striker is a shotgun-cum-cannon which provides suitable brute force at close range, devastating all that may cross your path, A true powerhouse in all sense of the term.

12. Halo – Sniper Rifle

The Halo phenomenon has exploded in recent years, giving gamers the world over a fresh, new look at combat. Providing both human and alien weapons alike, it’s hard to choose the most bad ass gun. Notable mentions include the Light Sword, Plasma rifle, Battle rifle, Needler and pistol. But for most enjoyment, the SRS99C-S2 AM Sniper Rifle takes the crown.

11. Duke Nukem – Shrink Ray
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Duke Nukem has been around for years and is known not only for his kickass guns but also his classic one-liners. Boasting an array of fun weapons to dispose of your alien prey, a considerably awesome weapon has to be the Shrink Ray. It does exactly what it says on the tin, shrinking your enemy down to a few inches, giving Duke the chance to put his foot down and let out a satisfying crunch of bones under his feet.

10. Counterstrike – AWP Sniper Rifle

This gun is to sniper rifles what the 44 Magnum is to handguns. Providing a reassuringly loud BANG when fired, the AWP is a must-buy when playing the Counterstrike series. With it holding a potential one hit kill capacity, it is both loved and hated within the online community for its deadly accuracy and stopping power.

9. Perfect Dark – Laptop Gun

Perfect Dark brought back the concept of a strong female protagonist, with Joanna Dark following in the footsteps of Samus Aran of Metroid fame. It hosted a fantastic multiplayer facility and had far too many guns to count. One of the most deadly has to be the Laptop Gun, unfolding out into a nifty submachine gun with a high rate of fire and large mag, although its trump card is definitely the Sentry Gun mode. Just chuck it onto a wall or ceiling and it will deploy as a drone killing everything that moves.

8. F.E.A.R – Type 7 Penetrator

F.E.A.R brought a new angle of gaming onto the scene, with its dark atmosphere and shit-your-pants scares.?Featuring many kick-ass guns, the Penetrator or Nail gun – as it’s also known – stands out. It literally allows you to nail your enemy to a wall or drill him full of spikes.

7. Quake – Rail Gun

A rifle that was both powerful but slow to use. Like the AWP its incredible effective at one hit kills, being deadly at any range and letting out a swirling stream of plasma in its wake.

6. Turok – Cerebral Bore

One of the most innovative weapons ever put to pixel, the Cerebral Bore is a classic case of imagination gone wild. An unstoppable weapon when fired, it seeks out its target skull, bores in and turns brains into jelly finally finishing off with an explosive finale.

5. Unreal Tournament – Flak Cannon

The Unreal Tournament series is a classic first person shooter, hosting a considerable arsenal of death-dealing weapons. It’s hard to choose the most badass weapon from the series with the choice of Plasma Rifle, Link gun, Rocket Launcher or Flak Cannon. But first pick must go to the Flak Cannon with its awesome close range ability in both primary and secondary fire mode. Firing projectiles that can bounce round corners the Flak Cannon is a valuable weapon in any player’s hands, both old and n00b.

4. Goldeneye – RCP90

Goldeneye will go down in legend as being one of the best FPS games ever. And the RCP90 was every player’s dream gun. Another point and spray favourite, it hosts a hefty magazine, awesome stopping power and high damage rate, this gun is hard to beat

3. Doom – BFG 9000

Let’s not beat about the bush with this one shall we. The BFG 9000 – or Big Fucking Gun as it’s called in most circles – deals out devastation to the factor of 11. Providing a flash of green light and a blast wave of immense proportions, the BFG is capable of destroying anything in its path, or come to think its blast radius.

2. Gears Of War – Lancer

A relative newcomer to the shooter scene, the Lancer from the acclaimed Gears of War game is notable for it dual killing capacity. A stock weapon in both single and online play, it is an effective
rifle at most ranges. But the most badass element is the chainsaw bayonet at your disposal. Close range melee attacks provide maximum enjoyment, especially seeing showers of blood spraying out from the dismembered corpse at your feet

1. Half Life 2 – Gravity Gun

The Half Life series especially has many memorable weapons to choose from, but none one more so than the gravity gun, giving the protagonist the option of picking up, smashing or throwing seemingly unmoveable objects for their gain. Hurling a saw blade at a zombies head, or chucking cars and gas tanks at Ant lions can be strangely satisfying. A notable kill is launching a radiator at an enemy’s skull with a sufficient and enjoyable thud.

[story by Michael Chenucha]

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Comments

  1. When you finally got your hands on the Rocket Launcher in any of the Resident Evil series then those zombies knew they were in for some pain.
    For comedy value it’s hard to beat the Morph-o-Ray in Ratchet and Clank which transformed enemies into chickens.
    And how could anyone not weep with joy when given the chance to wield a lightsaber in any of the Star Wars games which allowed you to do it properly?

  5. Didn’t Elvis have the best videogame gun ever?

    The game itself, featuring a variety of handguns gripped in the King’s very own possum-fat greased hand, was callet ‘Get Goulet’.

    Notable for being mostly interminable and unrelated cutscenes for an extended period; suddenly a random battle with unkillable foe Ron Goulet would ensue. Only Elvis could afford to play this game though; as, while it was free, the hardware failure rate – both in displayu and replacement cartridges, made it prohibitvely expensive for the home user.

  8. Not a bad list but no Redeemer? And I think the Spartan laser or the Halo 1 pistol would’ve been better than the sniper rifle. And that Max Payne shotgun has nothing on the Pimp Cane from Saint’s Row 2.

  9. Hey! what about the “Painkiller” from the painkiller game?
    That thing had 2 firing mode… 2 damage combo and 1 utility mode.

  14. its called the ENERGY SWORD not the light sword maybe if you played the game you would know

  18. Hands down, the “Nuke” gun in Sin and Wages of Sin. From the windup, to the pitch, the flash, and then the shaking of everything (or death if you were within a thousand yards) around you, even deep in a level far from the launch.

  21. Wow… What about the ripper from the original UT? First fire is bounce off walls, second fire is explosion? CMON!!!

  22. How can you have this list and not have the revolver/magnum from Resident Evil!! sense no make

    Also, throw the bullseye from Resistance Fall of man in here. You missed too many for me to mention like the doom 1 shotgun or the chicken gun from ratchet and clank to make this list anything but full of fail =(

  23. wow such bad choices, and wtf @ the halo sniper rifle, srly?
    its no different then pretty every other sniper rife in any other game

    its pretty much agreed the fat boy should be on there

    also I think the Liquid LN2 Gun from R&C should be in there or the Ryno

    other candidates include the Hyper Velocity Rail Gun from PE2, or the Aperture Science Laboratories Handheld Portal Device from Portal.

  26. No weapons from Dead Space…thought they had the most innovative set of weapons ever…Gotta also love the AK47 assault rifle with red dot scopes for sheer accuracy of reproducing a real weapon…Love the recoil, love the power….love the pain !

  27. And why isn’t Killzone 2’s ISA Assualt Rifle up there? That really is the coolest gun ever!!! And you can kind of tell this was writen by a PC nerd who has playing a little bit of console.

  28. You included the laptop gun before the Farsight XR-20? That thing is an AWP from CS with wallhacks and secondary fire which is literally aimhacks. Seen so many of these weapons I expected BFG and the physics gun to be top. Old.

  29. You cannot have a list of the most badass weapons without including any from the Ratchet & Clank franchise. What about the Nano Swarmers? Buzz Blades? Groovitron? Tornado Launcher??? Come on…..at least one of them should’ve made this list!

  32. Good looking on the goldeneye mention…it’s sad all the people who remember that and Perfect Dark are a dying breed of gamer. Also the 100% accuracy in 007 mode, these fucking kids don’t even know how fun that shit was. I wonder though, why not mention that rifle from
    Outcast?

  33. i want to know why, exactly, the sniper rifle is even considered bad ass. it’s a weapon designed to shoot someone from far away. how is that considered bad ass? or even cool? i can use a sniper as well as the next guy, but its almost cowardly. random guy: “doo do do doo ive got a shotgun.” random guy 2: “boom. headshot. im so badass. i just totally sniped you noob” right… you sat from a great distance away and shot me, and unsuspecting player, in the head. congratulations for being a coward.

  35. A buddy of mine is a sniper for the USMC. Please tell him to his face that he’s a coward. I would pay to see the results.

  36. the striker from mp2 FUCK the striker if u were gonna give max payne some love its gotta b the JACKHAMMER from mp1 FULL auto strong as shit AND 2 more bullets than that bs striker i NEVER USED THE STRIKER IN MP2

  37. Snipers r badass if u r hitman or any1 like tht but any gun u can get in real life shouldn’t b on here n tha ryno from r&c leveled up all tha way is a mini sun