We've all moaned about the seemingly endless remakes being churned out by Hollywood these days.
Whether it's pointless shot-by-shot rehashes of Psycho or awful renditions of classic British films such as Get Carter and the Italian Job, it seems nothing is immune to Tinseltown's obsession with recycling. When was the last time producers in Hollywood had an original idea?
Well, hecklerspray has decided to help the ailing American movie monolith by coming up with 10 films they should remake. It hasn't been easy. A lot of films on the list we love. But we are a giving site and have decided to stick our heads on the block. So why do it? Well, like we said, most of the films listed are films we love. But maybe it's time we updated them. That could be for a variety of reasons. Some films started as great ideas but just ended up as a pile of shit, while others have dated badly and could be improved upon by the latest special effects techniques. There are also movies that could simply do with a bath and clean clothing.
Oh, there is one proviso. George Lucas cannot get his hands on any of them. Here goes:
10. The Breakfast Club (1985)
Ok, a controversial choice. Everyone loves this movie. But it is a rites of passage film and for it to succeed with later generations it needs a new set of clothes and a new MP3 collection. Oh, and while you are at it, could you make sure the two girls in it are more attractive than Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy.
9. Ghostbusters (1984)
We know, another controversial choice, but we watched it the other day and the special effects looked really ropey. Of course, when we watched in our youth we thought they were cutting edge. But then again we also thought the Commodore 64 was state-of-the-art technology and Elite was the greatest game ever made. Times change. It's like when you watch those who old dinosaur films from the 50s and 60s and Raquel Welch is being attacked by lizards magnified several times to look big. Ghostbusters is starting to look like that. Just make sure Bill Murray's in it.
8. Jason and the Argonauts (1963)
This is a great movie. But just think what they could do with it now. We would put Peter Jackson at the helm, but only if he agreed to a limit of 1 hour 45 minutes in which to cram it in.
7. Battle Royale (2000)
We're astonished that there hasn't already been an American remake of this hugely popular Japanese cult classic about kids kicking the crap out of each other on an island. Just think of the carnage.
UPDATE: Apparently there was a remake of this, but we rule that it doesn’t count because it had a different name and Vinnie Jones was in it. Nothing starring Vinnie Jones counts.
6. Weird Science (1985)
We mentioned this in the pub the other day and not one person raised any objection. It's a great film and has not particularly dated. The real fascination is over who would play Kelly LeBrock's part. The crap TV series in the 90s does not count.
5. Outlaw (2007)
This much-derided British film about a bunch of ordinary citizens that decide to take the law into their own hands could have been so good – but it really wasn't. Keep the same premise, but give it a much better script and it's a
sure-fire winner.
4. Risky Business (1983)
We love this film, but we just hate the fact that it has Tom Cruise in it.
3. Waterloo (1970)
This is a fabulous film about the last days of Napoleon's reign, but the battle scenes could do with a bit of spicing up. Just as long as whoever does it sticks to the facts. No, the Americans were not there!
2. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956, 1978)
OK, so it's been remade twice already, but both are superb films. Plus, the political undercurrents in the film make it a must to be updated for each generation.
1. The Star Wars prequels (1999-2005)
We know what you are thinking, not again! But remember how excited you were when George Lucas announced he was going to make them. Admit it. You were like a giddy schoolgirl. You didn't know of the horrors there were to unfold: the crap dialogue, the pointless plotlines… Jar Jar bloody Binks. You couldn't wait to see it. Well, imagine if they actually did make it again, but with George Lucas as only a producer, and somebody else directing it, and another person writing the dialogue. Wouldn't it be nice? They could keep Natalie Portman and the kung-fu kicking Yoda and just start again.
C J Davies says
What about The Incredible Shrinking Man?
Jo says
I’m sure Hollywood DID re-do Battle Royale last year.
It was called something else and it had convicts instead of school kids. It had some wrestler starring in it.
Jo says
The Battle Royale U.S remake – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443473/
Adz says
Waterloo – good shout!
Had this on video for years – apparently somewhere out there is a six-hour directors cut.
Soz says
Re: who would play Kelly LeBrock’s part in Weird Science – Angelina Jolie, surely?
Stuart Heritage says
Incidentally, it’s turning into something of a Battle Royale-themed day, today. Hang around a bit longer and you’ll see what I mean.
That doesn’t mean we’re all going to run around the woods killing each other after work, though – I’m almost completely sure that CJ’d win that hands down.
Alex R says
There is an ACTUAL Battle Royale remake in development. Not that BR/Manhunt hybrid starring Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vinnie Jones.
BrandonInBatonRouge says
Body Snatchers has been made at least 4 times, one of which was very recent.
Besides the 50s and 70s versions you listed, there was a version directed by Abel Ferrara from the 90s and last year’s “Invasion” with Nicole Kidman.
Mike says
I have to disagree with practically this entire list. Your reasons for wanting remakes of some of these movies are just ridiculous!!!
Oh, Breakfast Club is too dated, so we should remake it! Are you friggin serious? Yeah, it doesn’t hold true for kids today cause it’s not FOR kids today, you idiots! It’s a movie for people who grew up in the 80’s, about growing up in the 80’s! If the slackass, shiftless, whiney, annoying, “I’m so misunderstood”, lame little emo kids of today want a movie about growing up today, then let them make a totally new one! There is NO reason good enough to sully Breakfast Club’s name for those worthless wastes of their dad’s sperm and society’s time! Besides, aren’t there enough damn movies out there about being a teenager? I mean, it’s not like they didn’t just do Superbad! Which was actually pretty good, and you know why?!?! BECAUSE IT WASN’T A REMAKE!!!
Same for Ghostbusters! Why the hell should they even BEGIN to worry about remaking it, when we’ve ALL been waiting for the third one to come out, and we’re only just now getting that storyline in the form of a video game!
STOP REMAKING MOVIES!!! It’s friggin stupid! Either enjoy the old one the way it is, cause it was good enough to begin with, or make something NEW and shut up!!! Why the hell does every single movie out these days have to be some thrown together, sloppy, piece of crap REMAKE or REIMAGINING?!?! Especially of lame ass tv shows that got cancelled because they SUCKED to begin with!!!!
Mateos says
Girl Next Door was basically a crappy remake of Risky Business. Do we really need more remakes? Really?
gir says
I don’t know if you guys noticed, but Mike is really worked up about this.
A Bus says
Horrible list. Why should you be bother with coming up with original ideas.
The American Battle Royale will suck about as hard as The Ring or The Grudge
Fred says
No.
Gilbert Wham says
Hang on, surely Elite was the greatest game of all time?
Rachel says
Horrible list and reasons. Im with Mike
pastafarian says
Uh… Invasion of the Body Snatchers WAS recently remade. With Nicole Kidman. Remember??? I don’t remember the name either.
bodo fedd says
Well , ghostbusters is getting remade apaprently into animated film without Murray and terrible script to boot.
Star Wars prequels were awful , Palpatine was great in the last one though..
Erica T. Barton says
I actually think that instead of remaking Star Wars and losing the classics that they are, they should make some after. I heard there some books written for Leah and Hans kids, and I thought those would be interesting as a sequel to Star Wars.
Stillbored says
@Jo, the Condemned wasn’t a remake…it was a crappy ripoff.
@Pastafarian, it was called “The Invasion”.
Mike's Mom says
I totally agree about the Star Wars prequels. The other day I watched the originals and kept saying to myself, pretend the prequels never happened. A Vadercaust if you will…
Scififan says
Ready for this?
Movies most in need of a remake?
Episodes IV, V, and VI
(ducks)
I know. I know. The originals were (and will always be) classics. Giants of the genre. I believe this too.
However, there is such potential … such opportunity, in remaking. For one thing (the obvious), the special effects could be dramatically improved. (In my mind, the absolute first thing I’d brush up wouldn’t be the huge space battles: it would be the battle between Obi-Wan and Vader in episode IV. It deserves so much better)
But, more importantly, the scripts could be moderately tweaked to really heighten the … Shakespearean evolution of a father and a son against the backdrop of the decline and rebirth of a galactic civilization and an order of knights.
They didn’t know exactly where they were going when they originally made the movies (see: incestuous acting between luke and leia) With everything mapped out … they could really do great things.
There. I said it. Remake IV, V, and VI. please.
Patrick says
Why, why, why, why, why would you remake Ghostbusters? Honestly, the performances in that movie are perfect. Unlike the monster movies of the 50’s and 60’s the point wasn’t to create these amazingly realistic creatures. The fact that they looked good at the time was secondary to the writing and acting. I can’t honestly believe that someone who likes Ghostbusters would want to see it remade. Leave it the fuck alone.
Richard says
The premise of “Outlaw” was kind of covered in the “Boondock Saints” (a movie I really liked a lot). 2 brothers taking the law into their own hands. Not a group like in the movie, but it covered all political and public opinion views of vigilante justice well, as well as having enough violence to keep you happy. I’d like to see a remake of that Battle Royale movie, it intrigues me.
fultron89 says
I’m surprised to see that Red Dawn (1984, i believe) isn’t on the list.
Soviets taking over the USA? lots of cool possibilities, in addition to having quite a larger talent pool of young actors than the original had.
fultron89 says
and by the way, a remake of Ghostbusters is in the hopper, set for 2009, i think
toolahroolahroolah says
3 days of the condor.
Cold Chilli says
Invasion of the Body Snachers was remade: The Invasion 2007, sucked
Risky Business remake: Girl Next Door 2004 w/Elisha Cuthbert (HOT!) but not as good as Rebecca De Mornay on the L. and Olphant is not Joey Pants
LoadofCrap says
A lot of those picks would make for a good remake. …So long as they weren’t ruined and completely hollywoodized. You want to remake star wars? Don’t you remember how horrible the new movies were? Don’t you remember how awful it was when lucas added the new cg effects and cg scenes into the old films? Talk about ruining the best thing that he ever did. Go watch the episode of south park where lucas and spielberg team up to ruin every movie ever made…. by remaking them.
Marco says
The Condemned is not a remake of Battle Royale. The core of BR is that it was -kids- on an island killing each other. And they were forced to do it by their teachers, parents and other people they trusted. The Condemned is commercial schlock. And I don’t particular hate Vinnie Jones. He’ll always get points for his role in Snatch.
Not Mark Lamarr says
Weird Science… you know they’re going to take all the nudity out. Because, you know, people might enjoy it, and that would be WRONG. So we’d be left with some sad castrated three-legged-dog of a movie. I’ll pass.
Garg the Unzola says
Breakfast Club should just disappear and be forgotten for good.
Strange that you pick Jason and the Argonauts for a Peter Jackson remake. To me, it is sacrilege to remake the classic stop motion films like King Kong and Jason and the Argonauts. Using CGI is simply not as challenging, even though it might look more spectacular.
American remakes of Asian films are inevitably inferior. The Ring is a notably exception, but for the most part giving Asian films a politically correct Hollywood make-over castrates them.
Remakes leave a bad taste in my mouth. I made my own remake wishlist to try and see a good side to recycling old films:
http://necrofiles.blogspot.com/2007/11/come-on-hollywood-remake-these-films.html
no says
Dude Breakfast Club is a fuckin good now…theres no way they can make it better bcuz now ppl rnt used to movies that are set in jus one room ex. (Saw 1 yes was good but the sequals are better bin they explore more) theres no way they could redo this
no name says
There has been a Battle Royale remake announcement for the past 3 years. At this point, I do not think there will be one because the US would have a huge controversy with the idea of teenagers killing one another AND they would butcher the film by trying to tone down the violence influenced by the need to survive. Yes, it would be nice to see a remake, but I wouldn’t hold my breath on it. actually happening.
dan says
I’m sorry, but Hollywood LEAVE FILMS ALONE, especially ones from Japan/South Korea. The remakes of successful Asian movies just turn out poor/horrible.
Watch the original, they don’t ‘need’ a remake, especially a ‘hollywood remake’.
PDemon says
I Am Legend came out the same time as your wishlist… and is a remake of The Last Man On Earth.