Last week How To Lose Friends and Alienate People was released in the cinemas, putting another loser on the big screen in the form of Simon Pegg‘s Sidney Young. In a move that’s totally non-affiliated with that film, we here at hecklerspray have decided to compile together a list of a bunch of losers, that one way or another, have given us greats amount of joy over the years in the cinema.
Maybe it’s because we’re better than them, maybe it’s because it gives us hope or maybe they are just too cool in a world that doesn’t appreciate them, either way, here we go…
10. Ben Stone – Knocked Up
A relatively new loser, Ben Stone managed to be a perfect example of what we love about these guys: Funny, likeable, stupid and completely oblivious to it all. The smartest thing he managed to do was get an incredibly hot chick pregnant and therefore locking her down for life. Well played, old friend.
“If any of us get laid tonight, it’s because of Eric Bana in Munich.” – Ben Stone
9. Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas – Dumb and Dumber
Pumpkin haircut, chip on his front tooth, sellotaping a dead bird’s head onto its body and selling it to a blind kid. All of these are reasons why we love Lloyd Christmas, the stupidest idiot in cinema – or should that prestigious title go to Harry Dunne, who drives around in a giant dog car all day long? It’s a close call but these losers manage to screw up every chance they get but they make for one of the funniest modern comedy duos.
“I can’t believe we drove around all day, and there’s not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!” – Harry
“Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.” – Lloyd
8. Milton Waddams/Peter Gibbons – Office Space
This pair of losers both work in the colourful world of Initech, where each day is exactly the same as the last. Peter has no delusions about his position in life and just wants nothing more than to do nothing everyday for the rest of his life. Milton is worse for the fact he loves his job and tries hard but gets crapped on by everyone around him on a daily basis.
“Every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.” – Peter Gibbons
“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler…” – Milton Waddams
7. Shaun – Shaun of the Dead
We’ve all been there, sitting in the pub night after night drinking with our mate wondering why life is so boring. Shaun is like all of us, with nothing ever interesting happening to him day by day. That is until zombies take over the country and Shaun becomes his friends’ last chance for survival with a rifle in one hand and a pack of peanuts in the other. The ultimate English slouch becomes one of its best action heroes.
“You’re the one that’s gone from being a chartered accountant to Charlton Heston!” – Shaun
6. Willie – Bad Santa
Foul mouthed, down on his luck and a drunk. Willie is the perfect candidate for a in-store Santa Claus to entertain your children. When he starts forming an unlikely bond with a young child you would assume life lessons follow. Instead he carries on much the same – cursing, beating children up, punching a midget in the face – but we love him for it.
“Why don’t you wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.” – Willie
5. Ash Williams – Evil Dead Trilogy
Another loser by day, zombie-killing machine by night; Ash just wanted to get away from it all with his girlfriend. Little did he know the terrors that awaited him in the woods. Everything tries to kill Ash and as he falls into trouble again and again he emerges the coolest geek this side of our dimension. He also looks kick-ass with a chainsaw for a hand.
“Groovy” – Ash
4. Max Fischer – Rushmore
Max is a loser who thinks he’s the ultimate winner. Nothing stands in his way, he gets what he wants and thinks everyone loves him. It turns out though that everyone thinks he’s a spotty wee skidmark at Rushmore Elementary. Charismatic he may be but with a pretentious elitist attitude and flunking every class he is one guy who punches above his weight.
“Oh my God, I wrote a hit play!” – Max Fischer
3. Spinal Tap – This Is Spinal Tap
The world would be a less sexier place if it wasn’t for these rock and roll stars. These guys just can’t seem to get anything right, whether it be replacing their manager, just getting out of a prop onstage or keeping a drummer that doesn’t die. Their Stonehenge re-enactment is the most stupidly brilliant live performance of all time and this trio of David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel and Derek Smalls are cemented in rock history for ever.
“It’s such a fine line between stupid, and clever.” – David St. Hubbins
2. Jay and Silent Bob/ Dante and Randall – Clerks, Clerks 2, The View Askewniverse
These four are bundled together for their respective charms, they are a ying and yang foursome. Jay and Bob stand outside the Quick Stop store, selling weed and dancing like loons everyday all their lives. They’re content with how they live and aren’t going anywhere fast. Dante can’t stand being anywhere near the Quick Stop he’s working at and only has Randall to pass the time with. These guys have the ultimate ‘do nothing and hope something will come my way’ attitude. For their failures all four are totally likeable and relatable in different ways. Long live the Clerks!
“I’m not even supposed to be here today!” – Dante
“That guy’s being awfully forward with that donkey.” – Jay
1. The Dude – The Big Lebowski
Here he is, numeral uno, The Dude. Never before has someone who has exerted so little been forced into doing so much. He was a man who does few things bowling, driving around, the occasional acid flashback. When his life gets pissed on he gets tangled into a dark mystery he has to get to the bottom of, all for the sake of a rug! Rarely losing his cool, he is one guy who can be on our bowling team any day.
“That rug really tied the room together!” – The Dude
The Dude was the only one who could be at the top but what do you make of the list? Anyone you think deserves to be on there who isn’t? Strike back below and let us know.
[story by David Scarborough]