David Beckham's new LA life hasn't really gone to plan – he's been plagued with injuries, his team is languishing in the league, his huge wages have caused inter-team resentments and a brand-new continent now knows how awful his wife is.
But David Beckham isn't going to be able to feel too sorry for himself, because his new best friend Tom Cruise has made it his personal mission to cheer David up. Speaking at the London Film Festival premiere of new movie Lions For Lambs, Tom Cruise stated his intention to make David Beckham feel better about his life through the power of the slightly too loud to be sincere laugh, the overcompensating hard high-five, the off-puttingly intense stare and the use of aeroplanes and fast cars as masculinity reasserters. And after that, who knows, maybe Tom Cruise and David Beckham will go out and perhaps grab some ice cream or rent a DVD or, you know, take a bunch of E-Meter tests or whatever. It'll be fun.
Both Tom Cruise and David Beckham have kept fairly low profiles lately, but for different reasons. Now that Tom Cruise has an entire movie studio to look after, he's doing his best to appear restrained when he goes out in public – because he wants to be thought of as an actor and not the guy who makes people scream "You ate your baby's placenta!" or "You're the Goebbels of Scientology, not the Jesus of Scientology!" when they see him. Meanwhile David Beckham's low profile has got more to do with the fact that his much-hyped move to Los Angeles has been an injury-filled, playoff-missing cock-up that hasn't even made Victoria Beckham very famous for anything other than being chased round by some pigs.
But while David Beckham cries into fistfuls of high-denomination banknotes, help is at hand from his bestest Los Angeles pal Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise and David Beckham go way back – David Beckham was one of the first people to see Suri Cruise, it was Tom Cruise's idea for David Beckham to go to LA and it was Tom Cruise who organised David Beckham's A-list welcome party. So it stands to reason that, now David Beckham is down in the dumps, it should be Tom Cruise who tries to perk him up again. Speaking at the London Film Festival premiere of his dreary-looking new movie Lions For Lambs, Tom Cruise said:
"We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or something like that. I'll talk to Victoria and see if she's all right with that. But we'll have some fun… I know what a competitor he (David) is and I have great admiration for him as an athlete, as a father, and as a husband. The guy works so hard, I know personally how dedicated this guy is and how committed. I look forward to seeing him play for England."
And Tom Cruise could be right, because both he and David Beckham are alpha males and there's nothing that alpha males like more than flying planes and racing cars, apart from maybe banging whore who've been paid to hold up mirrors during sex. So perhaps Tom Cruise's ruse to pep David Beckham up again will work, and an afternoon spent flying Tom's beautiful I Like Scientology plane and then landing at his Scientology Is Fun lock-up garage to race some cars will be exactly what David needs, especially if it's followed up with an evening sailing the SS Have You Ever Thought About Joining Scientology David.
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Adam Gade says
Oh well, more converts for the cult. Unless it’s all just a clever ruse for Tom to get into Dave’s pants…
Bob Dobbs says
I’m not a scientologist but I agree with James Lightfield/Terryeo/Alex/Merril Storrey/Greg Churilov/Jox Arkaitz..etc, anyone who is against scientology or tome cruise has probably committed some crimes
that they are afraid scientology could detect.