Tom Cruise is back in the A-list, baby – if ‘A-list’ means going on a daytime TV show twice and having lunch with the oldest man alive, of course.
And what better way could there possibly be for Tom Cruise to celebrate his resurgent career than by having sex with his wife until a little person who looks like him crawls out of her genitals?
That’s right – if reports are to be believed, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are trying for another baby, with those close to the couple making it clear that Katie Holmes has ‘got the itch.’ But as soon as this resilient bout of vaginal thrush clears up, Tom and Katie will definitely try and have another baby.
Hecklerspray: king of the clumsy vaginal thrush joke since 2005.
At this very moment in time, Tom Cruise’s career is a bit of a wreck. The public was turned off by his bewildering behaviour and unconventional religious beliefs, he was sacked from Paramount, nobody went to see Lions For Lambs and his big Nazi comeback movie has all the makings of a gigantic dud. Plus, come on, look at the man’s hair.
That’s why Tom Cruise is going all out to reclaim his position as everyone’s favourite scary-eyed nutbag moviestar. The Tom Cruise/ Oprah interview last week deliberately softened his hardline views on Scientology and psychiatric drugs, Tom Cruise’s new website actually does a fairly effective job of reminding us that he’s made a few decent movies, and there’s even talk of Tom Cruise making Mission: Impossible 4 for Paramount soon.
So what’s the one thing left for Tom Cruise to reassert himself over? His relationship with Katie Holmes, of course! So let’s dust off the tub of Hubbard-jizz – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having another baby! Provisionally! E! Online reports:
According to friends who schmoozed with the Cruises in New York earlier this week, Katie wants to have another baby soon, and she has been hinting as much to her husband. “She said she’s got the itch,” said a friend close to the pair. “Now that Suri is more toddler than baby, she said she misses having an infant in the house. And, of course, she thinks Suri would make a great big sister.” Tom appeared totally into the idea.
Aw, there’s nothing sweeter than when a team of highly-trained scientists secretly switch a young woman’s ‘desire for independence’ implanted brain-chip with a ‘sudden unexplainable broodiness’ chip during her sleep. You’ll have to excuse us, we’re misting up here.
Oh, we’re just kidding. There’s nothing wrong with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wanting another baby. It’s just like when any other happily-married couple choose to have a baby, except that this happens to be suspiciously timed to coincide with Tom Cruise’s brand new relentless assault to portray himself as a normal person. But what’s that got to do with anything?
Besides, we know exactly why Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes want a baby – everyone knows that Tom Cruise needs a big personal event to help him promote his films, whether it’s the engagement to Katie Holmes that pushed War Of The Worlds or the birth of his first biological daughter right before the release of Mission: Impossible 3, and another baby would be the perfect marketing tool for Valkyrie.
But hang on – it’s May. Valkyrie comes out in February. That’s, wait a minute, that’s exactly nine months away! There’s no time to lose, Tom Cruise, bone your wife! Bone your wife right now! Here, in front of everyone! Your career depends on it!
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Maria says
Let him be. Wy attack him time after time. I saw him on Oprah and I actually felt the unfairness that has been visted upon him these last three years. I wish him and his wife the best. Naysayers were ashamed because they said Suri wasn’t his and she now looks like him. Beautiful child. She made me like Tom more than any day time show. I hope we have another Suri.
lola says
O man I love you. Yo are crazy!:):)