You can say what you will about midget superstar Tom Cruise (DVDs) – and hecklerspray has vented its fair share of spleen over the months – but you can’t exactly call the boy shy.

What with War Of The Worlds all set to plaster his face across billboards all summer and his endlessly scrutinised ‘relationship’ with starlet Katie Holmes (DVDs) keeping him safely in the column inches, it’s fair to assume that we’re not really looking at Mr. Low-Profile here.

And Tom’s latest move? Hold on to your hats, everybody. It’s insane.

Tom’s made a pledge to make Victoria Beckham into a major Hollywood player.

In an outburst that makes his spiritual beliefs look like the height of rationality, Cruise is reported to have told Beckham: "You could be a fantastic actress. You are witty, have great comic timing and a fantastic accent. You have great potential to be a huge Hollywood star."

All of which raises the inevitable question: has the Tomster lost his mind? Has all that Hubbard-based Scientology nonsense finally ploughed through his braincells like a juggernaut through a playground?

According to a close friend of Victoria’s – there you go, folks, she actually still has one – the pouty Ms. Beckham "has always been extremely ambitious and she doesn’t see why this couldn’t be the next step in her career." Cruise is allegedly making good on his ramblings, pulling some strings in order to arrange some high-profile Tinseltown meetings.

hecklerspray is having a little trouble imagining the sort of role that Posh would suit best. Maybe someone’s planning on remaking Jason And The Argonauts and they need to cast a skeleton or two?

There is one point of solace, however. The exchange took place during a dinner date with Cruise, his bride-in-waiting Katie and the uberchav Beckham couple. Maybe Tom was just being polite. He’s a nice chap, right? He’s hardly likely to say "sorry, Vicky … but you’re a talentless stick insect with all the natural charisma and charm of a pubic louse," now, is he?

 He could have just been acting civil. Of course he could.

But hecklerspray has a horrible, horrible feeling about all of this …

[story by C J Davies]