When hecklerspray met the love of its life, it gently released her from the giant steel bear trap that had snapped her ankle in two.

Then we looked her right in the eyes, tucked her sweat-covered hair behind an ear and said: "We knew we’d find you. That’s why we’ve been baiting this trap once a week for the past ten years.”

Ends up she wasn’t into us – probably because we made her gangrenous. Still though, as we sometimes run her 6”x 3” patch of skin through our fingers – the piece that got torn off in the hinge and has long since turned to human-leather – we can’t help but wonder what she’s doing now and if she ever thinks of us.

Seriously – we are so lonely.

Timbaland’s not lonely anymore though – and he proved it with an island wedding that may or may not be officially recognised in the United States. He got married a day or two ago – to a woman who didn’t complain one bit when their first dance was to a 43-minute remixed Nelly Furtado song.

Timbaland is so lucky. He found love, and now he has to be married to it.

Marriage is the new black in the world of hip hop, which would seems to explain why so many of its stars are diving in this year. 

The producer and his bride actually tied the knot earlier in the month as well, but in a style fitting of Pamela Anderson and any of her two dozen current or former husbands – they decided to have multiple weddings all over the place.

E! Online spreads the rich, creamy, second-wedding news like a dollop of butter on your breakfast wheat-toast:

"The prolific hip-hop producer tied the knot with longtime publicist and baby mama Monique Idlett in Aruba Sunday. Several hundred guests shared in the nuptial bliss, including longtime collaborator Missy Elliott, Omarion, Ginuwine, rapper Magoo and Timbaland-groomed artist Kerri Hilson, per Us Weekly, which first reported the matrimony. The 37-year-old liner-note staple, whose real name is Timothy Mosley, and the 33-year-old Idlett had been dating for two and a half years prior to the vow swap."

Did you see that though? The marriage took place in Aruba. We heard they decided to do it after a weekend of bounty-hunting Joran Van Der Sloot. All that adrenaline is enough to make anyone wax romantic.

They didn't catch him or anything – but when you find a love like that, maybe you don't have to.