When I was a kid in the 90’s, Adidas was the absolute shit. You weren’t cool unless you had Adidas sneakers, Adidas gym shorts, and an Adidas tracksuit. Being in head to toe Adidas was a major sign of social status, and lord knows the brand caused pre-teens everywhere to frequently claim the name stood for ‘All Day I Dream About Sex’ and giggle uncomfortably, like we knew shit about sex.
For a long time I was still down with Adidas. Unlike Umbro, they totally survived the 90’s and produce really cool stuff. However, this shit they’ve been doing with Kanye West the last few years has got me perplexed. And, like with so many other things, Tim Gunn agrees with me.
Many of you might remember Tim Gunn as Heid Klum’s fashion savvy ‘Make it work’ second in command on Project Runway. But, if you’ve been a parent to a child under 7 between the years 2012 and now (which I am), then you know Tim Gunn as Baileywick from Disney Junior’s Sofia the First.
SIDE NOTE! When you watch Disney Junior in Canada, before EVERY episode of Sofia the First they say ‘And now, a special episode of Sofia the First!’ BEFORE EVERY DAMN EPISODE! THEY CAN’T ALL BE SPECIAL, DISNEY JUNIOR! The one that featured Olaf from Frozen? Sure. Special. But every episode? I don’t think so. BUT THEN, when we were in New York back in April watching Disney Junior, before every episode they’d just say ‘And now, Sofia the First!’ None of this special episode bullshit! What, do you think just because we’re Canadian we think every damn episode of Sofia the First is special? Not even every episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates is special, and I LOVE that shit. But, anyway, I digress.
Aside from being a Disney Junior superstar, Tim Gunn is still an extremely respected voice in fashion and he is 100% known for real talking, which is exactly what he did when it came to Kanye West’s shit show of a Yeezy Season 4 fashion show. Gunn said:
I’m totally perplexed about why the fashion industry has not looked at these, frankly, dumb, basic clothes and cried ‘Hoax.’ Kanye West is a sphinx without a riddle. I just don’t understand why people are so in awe. [The models were] basically wearing stretch undergarments. I think the only thing dumber than these clothes would be the people who would buy these clothes.
In all honestly, I do not fucking get Kanye West’s Yeezy fashion line or why Adidas keeps letting him do this. Here is a LEGITIMATE run down of each ‘season’ of his Adidas clothing line:
Season 1: Discount American Apparel spandex meets army chic with a fuck ton of ugly shoes.
Season 2: Discount American Apparel spandex meets Walking Dead chic with a fuck ton of ugly shoes.
Season 3: Discount American Apparel spandex meets homeless chic with a fuck ton of ugly shoes.
Season 4: Discount American Apparel spandex meets neutral 80’s hooker chic with a FUCK TON of ugly shoes.
See exhibits A, B, C, and D for reference:
Sure, there are always a few items I might wear in his collections. For instance, the little white dress and the front of the last picture; I would wear that. Minus the fact that that little spandex white dress which is literally NOTHING special is over $500!!! Also, how is this new and exciting fashion. Calvin Klein released that exact same dress (and probably in better quality) in the 90’s. Has Kanye not even SEEN Clueless?
Even Kanye’s wearable shit is basic af, and everything else is HIDEOUS and overpriced. Like Tim Gunn, I legit have NO IDEA how people keep letting him do this shit. Get your act together, Adidas!