Well that’s it. Are you happy now, media? Tiger Woods has quit golf for an indefinite period of time.

Do you know the implications of this? It means next year we’ll have to buy a videogame entitled Jim Furyk PGA Tour 2011. Worse still, you know who’s probably going to start selling us razors from now on? Golfing journeyman Billy Mayfair. Billy Mayfair! And we don’t even know who that is. It’s a disgrace.

Someone needs to take the blame and apologise for all this, but who? Don’t go looking at Jamie Jungers, who you may remember as alleged Tiger Woods mistress #6. She’s decided to be hilariously unrepentant about everything.

After Rachel Uchitel spent the bulk of last week telling everyone that she’s absolutely not a whore for her alleged involvement in this whole Tiger Woods thing, we thought we had settled on a formula for all the other mistresses to follow. True, much of the planet might think that you’re an artificially-inflated sack of collagen and ratty nylon hair extensions with too many vowels in your name and no real moral standards to speak of, but that’s nothing that a sympathetic front page interview in a celebrity magazine won’t solve.

It worked for Rachel Uchitel – now we’re absolutely convinced that she isn’t a homewrecker, despite being the first name to arise in the wake of Tiger Woods’ home being wrecked – so it should totally work for the other women who’ve been romantically linked with him, too. That’s all it takes – a photo of you clutching a mug in minimal make-up, a list of all the good things you’ve ever done and an admittedly quite late apology to Tiger Woods’ wife and you’re away.

Or, if you’re Jamie Jungers, you could flatly refuse to apologise to Tiger’s wife Elin Nordegren for anything and then describe the sort of sex that Tiger Woods does in as much detail as you possibly can. That works too. Usmagazine reports:

“I’m certainly not gonna say that it was wrong. I believe everything happens for a reason. And– no, I– I don’t– I don’t believe that I owe her apology– an apology. I mean, I– I’m sorry for everything that’s going down. And what may happen to … their kids’ future, you know? But no, I don’t– I don’t believe I owe her an apology. No… He was pretty wild…Like, it wasn’t just, like, regular sex.”

Good for you, Jamie Jungers. You stick to your guns. It doesn’t matter what the world might think of you. It’s more important that you stay resolute. Nobody likes a flip-flopper, do they? Unless flip-flopping is some sort of depraved top-secret sexual activity, in which case there’s a fairly good chance that Tiger Woods does actually quite like a flip-flopper very much.

And we have to say we agree with Jamie Jungers’ point that everything happens for a reason. For instance, we’d guess that the alleged relationship between Tiger Woods and Jamie Jungers happened because Tiger Woods was a horny billionaire and Jamie Jungers was a slightly opportunistic titty model who saw her meal ticket. Is that enough of a reason?

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Tagged as: Jamie Jungers, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Affair