Let this be a lesson to all you billionaires – if you want to save your marriage, only sleep with 13 bimbos.

Any more and it’s over. Just look at Tiger Woods. For the last few weeks, we’ve seen a slow but steady trickle of cheap-looking boobzillas come forward to claim that they’ve slept with Tiger Woods. And through it all, it was reported that Tiger’s wife Elin Nordegren, was going to stick with him for the sake of their children.

Now the total of Tiger Woods’ alleged mistresses has hit 14, though, Elin Nordegren has reportedly hired a divorce lawyer. So billionaires, stick to boning 13 leathery tramps. We think that’s the lesson here.

Well we certainly didn’t see this one coming. When it was claimed that Tiger Woods had slept with Rachel Uchitel, or that woman who won’t apologise, or the woman from OMG Stop Tickling Me, or any of the ten other women who he’s apparently been sticking it to on a regular basis, at least Tiger Woods could rely on his wife Elin Nordegren for support.

True, she might have got upset at times, and she might have initiated the car crash that started all of this mess, and she might have even beat him up a little bit, but one thing was undeniable – Elin Nordegren loved that billionaire sportsman with all her heart for one reason or another.

Not any more, though, obviously. If reports are to be believed, then Elin Nordegren has realised that wedding vows tend to lose a little bit of their zip when the man you’re married to is determined to have it off with every single female – regardless of species – on the planet. Or she’s realised that she’s going to coin it in something rotten in alimony. Either way, it looks like Tiger Woods is heading for a divorce. The Boston Herald reports:

ABCNews.com, citing a source close to Nordegren, reported yesterday the “divorce is 100 percent on.” But indications are she’s working her husband’s growing scandal to her benefit. “She’s not rushing to divorce,” the source told ABC. ‘She’s going to take her sweet time. She wants all the dirty laundry to be out on the table before she signs anything.”

Maybe Elin Nordegren planned to divorce Tiger Woods from the moment that news of his first infidelity leaked out. Or maybe the 14th orange, chesty, anaphylactic-looking cocktail waitress really was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe, as we suspect is the case, Elin Nordegren realised that one of the women who Tiger Woods allegedly schtupped was quite old and got sort of grossed out about it.

Either way, it looks like the divorce is definitely on. And that means that Tiger Woods is going to be back on the market soon. In fact, we should probably put an advert in the local lonely hearts column for him. ‘Unreliable model, several constant lady owners, seeks woman with fanny. Or just a fanny. Just a fanny in a box. Or something that feels a bit like a fanny. Some offal. In a box. Man seeks offal in a box, basically’.

If you see Tiger Woods, tell him he’s welcome.

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