Now that Tiger Woods is single again, he can throw himself into the bachelor lifestyle with wild abandon.
He can go out and get drunk. He can have sex with as many unsuitable women as he possibly can. He can act like as much of a total pervert as he likes every second of the day. He can… oh, no, wait, we’re just listing things that Tiger Woods already did when he was married, aren’t we? Silly us.
Still, that hasn’t stopped Tiger Woods from taking out a vast $54.5 million mortgage on a new home in Florida. Apparently it’s got everything that a man like Tiger Woods could possibly want, like a tennis court, an oxygen room, a gym, wipe-clean bedsheets and an adjoining 24-hour sexually transmitted disease treatment facility. We may have made some of these up.
We don’t know about you, but we certainly miss the good old days of the Tiger Woods sex scandal. Why, if we had our day, then we’d still be bringing you a different story every day about a brand new set of women who had sex with Tiger Woods during his marriage. Women with strands of synthetic polymer where their hair should be, and a couple of rancid watermelons where their boobs used to be, and skin that looks like it should set off every single Geiger counter in a 20-mile radius, and names that are almost entirely made up of vowels. God, we miss that.
But that’s all in the past now. Tiger Woods has seen what such an exhausting schedule of no-strings sex with a spectrum of ratty-looking cocktail waitresses can do to his public image, personal happiness and financial situation and – now that he’s finally got divorced from his wife – he’s on the straight and narrow again. And to prove it, he’s just bought an insultingly large mansion to begin his life as a bachelor. The New York Daily News reports:
Hot on the heels of his highly public divorce, Tiger Woods reportedly took out a $54.5 million dollar mortgage for his new Florida mansion. The troubled golfer filed the legal docs for the massive mortgage earlier this week. The home, located on the exclusive Jupiter Island, will reportedly have a tennis court, oxygen therapy room, many pools and a fitness center. The loan should be repaid by 2016.
Of course, Tiger Woods would do well to remember that no amount of material possessions will ever replace the family he lost with his serial philandering. But then again, he probably is going to have loads of sex with hundreds of porn stars from now on, and that probably might.
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Japanese Prank says
Lucky Tiger Woods with his World
BetterThanMost says
Wow! You guys are really on top of this story. He’s only owned that land for 5 years, and been building on it for the last 2.
Jimmy Limo says
HECKLER SPRAY…. REALLY ? Hey, Stuart Heritage… this article is pathetic, kinda like you. Sounds like either you haven’t been laid in years, or are dealing with some latent sexuals issues that you’re deeply embarrased about. Besides giving million$ to charity, inspiring and introducing millions of kids worldwide to the game of golf, and entertaining the golf world with the most amazing run ever… Tiger paid dearly for his indiscretions, $100 million+++ to his ex and lost ten$ of million$$ in endorsements (not to mention being seperated from his 2 kids)…. THE MAN HAS PAID !!! So quit trying to exploit him for your pathetic rag… Stuart, you suck…
Pat says
YOU ARE A TRUE A** HOLE. ALL THAT BULL ABOUT 24 HR SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE CLINIC, SEX WITH AS MANY WOMEN….WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO SIT IN JUDGEMENT? TIGER MESSED UP AND PAID A VERY HEAVY PRICE. LET IT GO. TIGER AND HIS FAMILY WILL RECOVER. THIS WILL PASS AS SOON AS SOMEBODY ELSE DOES SOMETHING AND THE PRESS RUNS WITH IT.
JEALOUSY IS A GREEN EYED B*TCH AND YOU SOUND VERY GREEN.
Tom Tierney says
Hey Jimmy….I agree with you guy. Ditto!!!
Tom Tierney says
Pat….I agree with you too…. Two thumbs up on your post. Too bad nobody will see it…who reads this rag?
rex says
what a sad looser you are Stuart.
now go home, your mommy is calling you for your bath.
Tom Tierney says
Pat….I agree with you as well. Two thumbs up on your posting. Too bad no one will see it…..who reads this guys rag??
Stuart…you do suck…and so does your rag. You only wish you had 1/8 of what Tiger has and 1/32 of the talent he has. Maybe you should quit trying to drag him down to the gutter with you. Even at his worst, you aren’t as good as his used toilet paper.
millsie says
one thing money can buy you is a ‘life’ after an apparent death. according to me he is being self-indulgent, and not being shy about it. but afterall, it’s his money and made it fair and square. i would say he is spending the way he wants to now without having to worry about the tabloids and his image being affected. the image is already tarnished, his loftiness atop the leader boards has gone away. and he lost his wife and kids in the process of staying single behind the scenes.
but i have a hunch he was always wanting to do that. he had his father to watch over him, a reputation to uphold and business deals to worry about. seeing now how those things are no longer around,… atleast at the level they were before the scandal broke. he is just being the person he always wanted to be. many asked if you were that young, made millions already,…and on top of the golf world. why get married?
i think he’ll be just fine folks. he don’t want pity. he wants his toys,…after all he paid for them. let him enjoy his mansion. and let him be the young man he is. i never thought he was a gentlemen on the course anyway. it was always about ‘him’. and when he lost he seemingly couldn’t handle it. not a gentleman in a gentlemen’s game. but a great competitor,…… until you see more of him. and it doesn’t look good to me.
joe says
Tiger Rules!!!! How freakin’ awesome!!!! what a cool pad man, totally cool
j says
stuart , youre a jealous loser. On the other hand. A little off the topic. This guy was so much more talented than anyone else out there…. Other than his probable emotiona issues. He’s clearly off the juice and not really what we all thought he was.
Renata says
I do not understand what this article is about. Stuart, I feel for you. I wonder what is going through you head that you are not really sharing. Get life!
The only one? says
I thought the story was funny! I got your back Stuart!!!
SUE says
i agree Jimmy…its just so negative?! we all have our shortcomings and God’s unconditional love will bring us through. No one has the right to judge…only God knows what is in store for each of us. Think, do something that can help but not to
bring one down. If you have nothing good to say….SHUT UP!
Autumn:) says
Honestly, it’s not like you’ve never screwed up. He’s only human. and every human as far as I know has made a mistake. Tiger’s was just a more published screw up. Many man have affairs, they just aren’t all famous, but they get what’s coming to them. Karma’s a bitch and I have a feeling tiger has only gotten a small proportion of his. So lay off. He has a lot coming to him.
peggy says
it never fails to amuse me that the people who read this crap about every so called celebrity does not realize it gives them more celebrity which helps them pay for mansions Do you really truly care? If so get a life I am sure you could spend the time worrying about more important things. Who cares? I don
CrackerJack says
You guys commenting are pure tards. Tiger slept with 25 women while he was married! You’re defending him? This dude should get made fun of every day.
MissingThePoint says
HOLY CASH COW! 54Mil! For a house! That’s Obscene!
I used to think Tiger was a descent person publicly and privately.
This man…No, I take that back; child, is narcisstic to the nines!
Granted he has earned his money doing what he loves but spending that much on a piece of real estate is exorbitant and to be flaunting it in this economy while so many struggle to just to keep a roof over their heads. Shame on him!!!!
lynn says
I definately agree with Jimmy. he is right and YOU my friend are one sick human being. human being might reeeeeally be st…..re…..ach….ing it quite a bit though. I would almost bet that you are best friends with Jerry springer and all of his trailor park trash. shame on you for writing such things about people. you really need to GET A LIFE !!!
Anonymous says
Hey was joking. Wow ppl take things personally and too seriously. He’s just taking whatever jokes at the guy he can. Jeeeez lighten up people! (The immediately preceding statement was not just aimed at Pat.)
Chris Cornell says
OOOOO..woooooo
I think I know the answer
I stumbled on and all the world fell down
And all the sky went silent
Cracked like glass and slowly
Tumbled to the ground
They all say if you look hard
You’ll find your way back home
Born without a friend
And bound to die alone
I’m thinking of your highness
And crying long upon the loss
I’ve found
And on the plus and minus
zero chance of ever
Turning this around
Why doesn’t anyone believe
In loneliness
Stand up and everyone will see
Your holiness
They say if you look hard
You’ll find your way back home
Born without a friend
And bound to die alone
shawrueben says
Good job tiger keep getting the women!!!
James says
How disgusting!
How or why would anyone mistake this crap for journalism?
I’ve seen better in a Middle School locker room.
Get a life Stewart.
Miguel says
You’re better than this. Judge not lest ye be judged Stuart.
Victory says
The bum did it to himself. What a loser to think that his many immature indiscretions wouldn’t cost him. He wasn’t a mentor, he was vain in thinking that he could help other children but sacrifice his own family by lying and cheating! He hasn’t changed and don’t think he has. He lived for that stuff and was so insecure that he put his body guards up to communicate for him so he wouldn’t be rejected.
He’s got a lot to prove to to regain any community trust! We’ll see whether he pulls it together straightening out his life, or go the way of the Tabloids for attention of ill gotten fame!
We will all see what Tiger Woods is really made of in the end and whether he can gain the confidence of the public! Hopefully he doesn’t turn out to be just a sappy “I’m so sorry” but accept me as I am kinda because I kinda like being this way kinda guy!
Andre says
It amazes me how people like you, Stuart, try to get money, or recognition, or whatever out of people like Tiger Woods. This only was a big deal because it was a celebrity but guess what?! i will be willing to bet that 80 to 90% of people do the same shit Tiger did. It may not be right but it happens a lot more often than you think so why do we make this such a big deal!? He already paid in different ways for it so leave the guy alone and pay attention to your own actions!
Douche bag!
joey says
Digg This:
Tiger is a GREAT athlete. Babes like jocks with bucks. His wife knew damn well or was not very bright, nevertless she did OK. Exactly why they split is between them and God and what Tiger buys is his business (this is not the USSR and its not your concern). You sound like an envious P.O.S. , and your probably a man hating bowser. Try the flute, you’ll learn to like it and eventually feel less stress.
Dianne says
I agree with Jimmy, Pat and Tom, and Rex. Stuart you sound like a sick dog. Tiger has well and truly paid for his indiscretions, and paid more to Elin than he should of. The whole media nonsense to me is far worse than anything Tiger did. Get a life.
dave says
LOL!!! I think the people who leave the comments like the ones here are the losers, relax people stop taking life so seriously. I don’t like the way the media exploited Tiger either, but the purpose of this site is to take the p***. If you don’t understand that you’re at the wrong web address my friends, and a comment like “who reads this rag anyways”, what does that mean? You retards are obviously here reading it!! Get off your high horse Tom Tierney & the rest, claiming what right does Stuart have to pass judgment. Well what right do you have? Let me guess your answer is cause Stuart is being an a-hole? Well than shake your head, let it slide & don’t read this site anymore, but don’t try policing morals cause who are you? There are more ways to be a w**ker than just teasing others.
Vishnu V says
Stuart
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