This Just In: Megan Fox Doesn’t Like Herself Very Much Sometimes

Megan Fox, Megan Fox Self-loathing, Jennifer's BodyDeep down, everyone wants to be Megan Fox – and by ‘everyone’ we mean a handful of unfathomably creepy teenage boys.

But being Megan Fox is hard. You might think it’s all constant glamour, endless parties and compulsive Purell use because you know that everyone you’ve ever shaken hands with has probably just masturbated, but it’s not. Sometimes Megan Fox gets sad. And sometimes Megan Fox gets angry. Sometimes Megan Fox even suffers from self-loathing.

This news has come as a total shock. We’ve seen all of Megan Fox’s movies, so we assumed that the only emotion she understood was ‘vacant incomprehension’.

This is a big week for Megan Fox – she’s on the promotional trail for Jennifer’s Body, and she desperately needs to prove to the world that there’s more to her than a vague resemblance to Angelina Jolie and a constant, soul-draining quest for relentless attention. One way for her to do this could be to show what a talented and versatile actress she is, but that’s obviously out of the question.

So instead we’d like to welcome you to a brand new edition of Megan Fox: The Irresponsible Self-Harm Years.

You see, now that she’s blown the myth that she’ll get naked in Jennifer’s Body, Megan Fox has stopped all boys from wanting to go and see it. That leaves girls, and if there’s one thing that girls love more than anything, it’s stories about other girls cutting themselves. And that seems to be what Megan Fox has tapped into with this golden nugget of information, which came up when Rolling Stone asked if she was ever a cutter:

“Yeah. But I don’t want to elaborate. I would never call myself a cutter. Girls go through different phases when they’re growing up, when they’re miserable and do different things, whether it’s an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting… I’m really insecure about everything. I never think I’m worthy of anything… I have a sick feeling of being mocked all the time. I have a lot of self-loathing.”

To be perfectly honest, we’re not entirely sure that Megan Fox was using all of her marbles when she decided to say that. After all, it’s going to be read by lots of young girls who’ll want to emulate their hero. And we’re here to say this: girls – if you want to be Megan Fox, you don’t have to cut yourself. It’s much easier to fluke your way into Hollywood based on your looks, pout your way through a handful of underwhelming movies and then keep your profile up by prattling on endlessly about yourself to anyone with a microphone while dressed as a sort of third-tier prostitute.

And as for self-loathing, that’s just silly. Megan Fox is the envy of the entire world. FOr starters, she’s got to work with Shia LaBeouf twice and… oh, now we get it. Sorry Megan.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter


  1. Kate Tina says

    What is with the hate? I don’t get the antagonistic tone of this article. Here is an actress who’s not trying to be the perfect publicist’s tool. She’s often blunt, straight-forward, and honest about her flaws and insecurities in her interviews. I happen to like her for that. Not to mention she is indeed good-looking. But even people who others believe are attractive have self-doubt. Give her a freaking break, you A-hole.

  2. Bobby EWing says

    ay what you will but the topless pics and scenes of Megan Fox will surely change just about anyone

  3. Wembly Fraggle says

    Kate Tina’s last line works very well if read aloud using the voice of Doctor Evil.
    I wonder if she has a bald pussy as well.
    What? What did I say?

  4. halo says

    seriously who hasn’t been a teenager and hated the world/your friends/yourself or all of the above,
    The snark introduction is completely appropriate. So shove it Kate Tina
    Right, she “so insecure” she’ll snog a girl on camera?????
    For fu!$@ sake!
    Can there be an “accident” on the set Transfornmers part 932 or whatever sequel they are on? Please???

  5. sass says

    You want the truth Brian Austin green Megan fox has cheated on you left right and centre…i did a film with her..her boobs are fake..her hair is fake..and she has no talent…shes a whore after a drink and will be sure to not keep her hands off older married men…and women…liar..your name should be mrs. onenightstand…and keep your mouth closed…but oops that how u get contract deals…!