As her stints on How I Met Your Mother proved, Britney Spears’ love of acting is almost as huge as everyone else’s ambivalence to it.

And now that she’s a successful singer once again, it’s only natural that Britney Spears will start looking for more ways to showcase her unique acting abilities, too. But that movie won’t be Sweet Baby Jesus, the film where Britney Spears was rumoured to be playing the Virgin Mary.

But now it’s been revealed that Britney Spears will no longer be the Virgin Mary. And we won’t lie to you – we’re relieved. Because if Britney Spears is the Virgin Mary, then it’d sort of mean that Kevin Federline was God. And that would mean that heaven is a shabby trailer with the video to Popozao playing on an unstoppable loop on a giant plasma screen that you can’t ever look away from. And all the angels have cornrows and smell a bit.

Acting’s been good for Britney Spears in the past. Whenever she’s hit a turning point in her life, acting’s the path she’s chosen. Like when Britney was at an actual crossroads, she made a movie called Crossroads. And history will show that the darkest days of Britney Spears’ life were bookended by appearances on Will & Grace and How I Met Your Mother respectively.

The latter must have really reignited Britney Spears’ love of acting – even though the only reason it impressed people is because everyone assumed she was so mentally ill that she didn’t even have the motor skills to talk and move at the same time – which is why she’s recently been said to be searching for a new movie role.

But remember, this isn’t wonky old tabloid nuisance Britney Spears any more. This is number one recording artist Britney Spears, so only the best movie roles will do. So what had Britney Spears apparently chosen as her big comeback vehicle? The lead in a blockbuster summertime action movie? No. A haunting bitpart in a serious indie movie by a revered director? No.

A small role as a biblical figure in a rubbish-sounding comedy starring Pierce Brosnan’s son and the man from Freddy Got Fingered? Um, yes.

Britney Spears had been rumoured to be playing the Virgin Mary in upcoming comedy Sweet Baby Jesus – a movie which will cause us to parade around naked in public playing the trombone if it doesn’t go direct to DVD. But don’t worry too much, Britney fans – rather than risk offending your Christian sensibilities again, Britney Spears has dropped out of the movie for good. The Daily Star reports:

Film producer Philippe Rebboah said: “Britney read the script and really liked it. She really wanted to play the role of Mary. But people were against it and she was pressured. Then she ran into trouble with her family so we decided the timing wasn’t right.”

It’s probably for the best that Britney Spears won’t be playing the Virgin Mary any time soon. After all, not only would the deliberately controversial role have alienated her core fans, but Britney Spears isn’t even christian any more, is she? At last count she was still a little bit Kabbalah-y, and therefore should only make films that mock pivotal figures in the Kabbalah faith. So Madonna, then. Or… no, just Madonna.

Besides, Britney Spears would have made a terrible Virgin Mary. Remember that the Virgin Mary was a pregnant teenager who doesn’t seem to be able to get a handle on how pregnancy works and sometimes appears to doubt the fatherhood of her own baby.

Jamie Lynn Spears would have been so much more suitable.