Even though a big part of me obviously loves Kylie Jenner and finds her weirdly fascinating, another part of me can’t help but think that’s she kind of ruined social media and the world and maybe like a million other things.
I’m not saying that Kylie Jenner is solely responsible for the downfall of youth culture, but there are certain things I’ve really come to blame her Brazilian butt-lifted ass for. And, as expected, I’ve made a list of them.
- How teenage girls look now.
When I was a kid, 13-15 year old girls looked like this:
The abnormally hot ones, at best, looked like this:
Now 14-year-old girls be on in Instagram with their professional contouring kids and their overdrawn lips and their weaves and filters looking like this:
I’m not saying that Kylie Jenner was the first teenage girl to start looking like some 65-year-old multi-millionaires second wife, but she was definitely the most public. Now every hoe under 18 be on Instagram looking like Kylie Jenner and homeboys don’t know whether or not it’s illegal to like their pics or nah?
2. The Stupid Ways Girls Pose on Instagram
Listen, I know that, once again, this isn’t allllll Kylie, but she is so tragically influential on Instagram that it shouldn’t be a surprise when young bitches start stealing their selfie moves. For instance, that above pose. Why you touching your lip, bitch? You got a cold sore or something? More important, why are so many people copying this!!!???
Why does she keep doing it?!
3. Me knowing who Tyga is.
Seriously, before Kylie Jenner I had no idea who this silly ass looking motherfucker was, and now I know basically almost everything about him aside from knowing any of his songs (is he an actual rapper, though?). Though it might seem like I enjoy writing about a guy who’s stage name stands for Thank You God Always, I actually don’t. I’d rather be writing about Beyoncé, but Beyoncé doesn’t do stupid ass shit all the time for me to write about, thus leaving me stuck with Tyga.
4. Forcing her dumbass friends upon me.
Seriously, I can’t open my Instagram explore page or even a copy of a legit magazine like Paper without seeing a member of Kylie Jenner’s “squad”. These people are getting millions of followers, modeling contracts, and deals with waist trainer companies simply because they’re friends with Kylie Jenner. If you’re thinking “Wow, this Krysta bitch is so jealous of these teenage girls and just wishes one of her friends would make it big so she could ride their coat tails like Kylie’s friends do”, then you’re 100% correct. Thanks for not developing a lip kit, Melissa. We could’ve been Hollywood kids!
5. Making me REALLY want lip injections and a Brazilian butt lift.
Bitch please, we all know I rag on Kylie because I WISH and PRAY to the Lord (aka Bob Ross, Buffy Summers or Bea Arthur, depending on the day of the week) that I had the money to make myself a rocket with a full ass and fuller lips.