Cheeky little web-slinging fellow Tobey Maguire has announced that he has no plans to carry on donning the silly red costume.

What with Spider-Man 3 'hugely anticipated' – mainly by those who visit the cinema about once a year, and only then to unwrap sweets really loudly and snog their hooped-earring-wearing chav bint – Maguire has pretty much put paid to the notion of him taking part in a fourth instalment.

Ruminating on his years as the awesome arachnid, Maguire said:

"'Spider-Man 3' might be a good place to stop – I am not tied contractually to any more Spider-Man movies. I am not completely closed to the idea of another one if it made sense but I would say the odds were in favour of this being the last one."

This, of course, leaves those Hollywood Studio types with two options:

1. Replace their leading man in the mot high-profile way possible, skyrocketing some other youngster to superstardom in the inevitable fourth instalment.

2. Calling a halt to the franchise, announcing that they intended it to be a trilogy and retiring to their mansions to cry sad lonely tears about the sheer amount of money they have hypothetically lost.

Our money's on Number One. Only because they haven't done a scene yet where Spider-Man has to scurry around a bathtub, tackling the evil forces of a screaming housewife with a rolled-up newspaper.

And if this is indeed the end? Don't worry, folks. Superhero flicks are ten-a-penny these days. Why, hecklerspray could come up with a few ideas right now. Such as Weasel Man: a man who acquires the powers of a radioactive weasel, such as biting really hard and being a bit furry.

Or Crab Man: a man who acquires the powers of a radioactive crab, such as scuttling around sideways and pinching people's toes.

Or – best of all – Man Man: a man who acquires the powers of a radioactive man, such as internal bleeding, hair loss, tumour growth and a crushingly painful death.

Guess the main set piece would have to be set in a Sushi bar, then.* 

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*Yes. We are indeed going straight to hell for that one.