It’s at this point in this story where we would make some sort of tasteless joke about Lee Ryan.
You know, we may bring up that ridiculous quote of his around about elephants and 9/11. Or we could mock his inability to warm up some fish fingers when he was on I’m A Famous Person On The TV, Come Look At Me Cook!
But we won’t do that. You see the world of popular music nearly lost its number one bruv and all round crap speller Lee Ryan. So distraught are we by the news that he was nearly mowed down by a car, that we’ve ordered a wreath of flowers spelling out ‘biggest bellend in pop’ anyway. Forgive us as we go to Runcorn’s community hall to lay them. The Staples Centre in LA is annoyingly being used.
Thinking about it, Lee Ryan is kind of like one of the four weather seasons. If he’d been run over, it may have messed up the weather and the Blue reunion. That’s right – Blue, everyone’s favourite boy band after Take That, Boyzone, New Kids On The Block, Backstreet Boys, JLS, O-Zone and One True Voice. Please note, we’re not suggesting Lee Ryan represents the season of summer.
As a role model for people who want to pull on MySpace, you’d have thought that Lee would know his green cross code. Look before you cross the road, look for any speeding vehicles and wait until the blinking green man tells you it’s OK to cross. That was probably the problem – Lee got distracted by a flashing light again. Someone ought to put him on a lead or something.
If high speed action-packed chases are your thing, then reading about the cause of the near fatal accident below will leave you disappointed. Basically, it’s not going to appear on an episode of Police, Camera, Action any time soon. Sunday Mercury reports:
“The singers were saying their goodbyes outside London’s Paddington Station when the No 7 bus came hurtling towards them, but Simon Webbe jumped into action, pushing Ryan and the band’s manager Sara Freeman out of the way.”
And in a quote that could be made in to a semi exciting daytime drama on BBC 2, an eyewitness at the scene said:
“Simon threw Lee and Sara out of harm’s way just before the bus smashed into the car’s open door and ripped it clean off the hinges.”
Looks like the door came off the worst out of everyone. Hopefully Simon Webbe has car insurance. If he doesn’t, we can then extensively report on him being an insurance dodger.
So where will our comedy capers with Lee Ryan take us next? Could he get up to some accidental mishaps in a slaughterhouse? Or could he wind up causing mischief down in the farmyard with his cousins? We can only wait and see.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter here
