The White Stripes Battle Satan

Husband-and-wife/brother-and-sister/Smokey-and-the-bandit musical duo Jack And Meg White - aka The White Stripes  - have revealed details of their new album, devil-baitingly entitled Get Thee Behind Me, Satan.

 Released on June 6 - a couple of weeks after first single Blue Orchid is unleashed - the album looks all set to expand further on the Stripes sound, i.e. that of a cousin-loving Detroit attic-dweller who (on his one venture out into the big wide world) stumbled across a tattered book of poetry which he has now claimed as his ‘only friend’.

Which is to say, of course: great. It may be fashionable to dismiss him, but the fact remains - Jack White stands head and shoulders above his shallow guitar-band contemporaries (Kasabian, anyone?), his Beetlejuice-complexion turning ever more white as he gazes upon what popular culture has done to itself.

Or maybe not. You’d have to ask him.

The point - and occasionally we’re known to have one - is that this seems all set to be the summer of the superstar comeback. Coldplay are doubtless going to sell sixteen billion copies of their new venture. Mariah Carey has warbled her way back into the hearts of Brittania Catalogue browsers. The White Stripes are … well, we’ve just told you (weren’t you listening?). Hell, even Guns And Roses are rumoured to be making a return, and they haven’t released anything since William Pitt The Younger was in power.

It is with great pleasure, then, that hecklerspray casts its beady eye into the future and produces - especially for you, as Kylie and Jason would say - the definitive list of this years Top Ten Albums before they even happen!

Calm down, children. We know you’re excited, but that’s really no excuse to start smashing things. Here we go …

10. Madonna - Menopausal Groove

 9. Robbie Williams - Feel Sorry For Me In Some Way Please

 8. Justin Timberlake - Pube R. Tee

 7. Elton John - Still Won’t Die

6. The Killers - The Best Of New Order

 5. Beyonce Knowles - Avon Calling

 4. Coldplay - Boo Fucking Hoo

3. The Strokes - Daddy Bought Me A Studio

2. The Chuckle Brothers - The ‘From Me To You’ Sessions

 1. Joss Stone - Radox Rockout

 Any other predictions? Send them in: hecklerspray@gmail.com. The best ones win a hecklerspray T-shirt (providing we can be arsed to get some printed, which isn’t likely, but … we can dream, right?).

 The NME Still Does The Odd Thing Right

[story by C J Davies]