The Spice Girls reunion has been rubbish – singles have tanked, albums have underperformed and nobody seems to care about their live show whatsoever.
But somehow, despite all that, the Spice Girls have managed to make £10 million from their string of concerts at the O2. That's £10 million each, by the way.
And if we were the Spice Girls' accountants, we'd recommend that they should be prudent with this new windfall because, treated sensibly, it could be enough for them to never work again. Basically, we want the Spice Girls to never work again.
Remember when Prince did his 21-night stint at the O2 last year, and how it was such a major talking point that The Times reviewed every single one of the concerts? And remember when Led Zeppelin reformed at the O2 and some old men playing slightly dull blues jams became the biggest story in the world?
Yeah, none of that's really happened for the Spice Girls – after the much-hyped Spice Girls comeback was announced, it all went south a bit quickly. Their comeback charity single Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) did so poorly that the condition of underprivileged children actually declined because of its failure, each of them using their sickly breath to shout "Curse you, Spice Girls, for not coming up with something with a bit more zip!"
And then the Spice Girls Greatest Hits album sank without a trace. In fact, we got the feeling that the enduring legacy of the Spice Girls reunion would be that Tesco advert, where Victoria Beckham speaks like she's just been to a particularly vicious dentist.
But no. Because – between knackering their ankles and whoring out their children – it turns out that the Spice Girls' 17-night residency at the O2 has been so financially successful that we're semi-considering kidnapping Geri Halliwell and taking her place in a ginger wig and some drawn-on abdominal muscles.
Apparently, according to The Times, the Spice Girls have made £10 million each from their O2 residency. Each:
An O2 Centre source said the five – Emma Bunton, Mel B, Mel C, Geri Halliwell and Victoria Beckham – have made £50 million between them. That eclipses any other star who has performed at the venue.
"Barbra Streisand had high ticket prices, but only did three nights, while Prince did 21 nights but sold tickets for next to nothing. Not many groups can sell out 17 gigs at £75 a ticket, it's quite an achievement."
So what do the Spice Girls do now? Although the sensible option would be to go home and live modestly off the interest without working for the rest of their lives, perhaps the Spice Girls will now try to string out their comeback tour for a few years, until they earn enough money to buy themselves a nice subcontinent somewhere.
That's not what'll happen though – between performing to crowds of adoring fans and looking at their newly-plumped bank balances, you can guarantee that each of the Spice Girls are thinking "screw these other bitches, the crowd really loves me!" – and that obviously means that another ego-based messy break-up is on the cards, followed quickly by five reinvigorated, splutteringly pointless solo careers that will quickly sink without a trace.
So we all win, really.
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zee says
Your a looser Stuart Heritage, you are the only one who thinks the Spice Girls reunion has not been a huge success. Their greatest hits has done well despite over 24 million people buying their first album and in total 55 million albums. Every one on the planet has their old stuff yet still the GH has sold well.
The tour speaks for itself. They didn’t even promote the single but I do agree with you that the single did badly.
You really need to reconisder your profession cos clearly you have no idea what
your talking about.
Mr. Cake Sausage Long says
10 mil for being snapperheads.
I’M a snapperhead and nobody pays me for it!
Damn, I feel cheap.
Damn.
Deepak says
I saw the girls perform in Vegas and I am goin to New York again whn they return to America. They did one of the best concerts in my opinion. Good coordination and yes they did sing live.
You really need to know your article has no truth what so ever.