It’s common knowledge now that The Simpsons feature film has been confirmed. Largely thanks to cast member Nancy Cartwright getting verbal diarrhoea during a BBC radio interview earlier in the week and mentioning something about a movie ‘table reading’.

Doh, as the fat man would say.

“They finally worked out a movie team, a team of the writers – because we could never hire outside writers,” Simpsons spokeswoman Antonia Kaughman was forced to concede “they had to be Simpsons writers – and most of them were working on the show.”

All the regular cast has signed on to provide voices along with a slew of guest stars expected to be announced later.

But what of the plot? What’s the damn thing going to be about? Being as the producers almost decided to stretch a movie out of the already padded (but chucklesome) episode Kamp Krusty, this is worth worrying about.

Producer James L. Brooks (DVDs) admits there’ll be “some fake plots” leaked onto the internet “just to be interesting”.

The message from creator Matt Groening (Books) and the guys appears to be ‘go jump’. They are going to let you know about the next stage of the Simpsons movie when they are good and ready. This time around anyway.

In the spirit of Brooks and his ‘fake plots’ that are destined to pop up on the net like comedy wheel clampers over the next year or so, we thought we’d be the first to offer our own.

Homer gets a second job as Marge is stressed about the horse/elephant eating Lisa’s Malibu Stacey collection, leaving Bart to cry wolf, get drunk, and let Maggie drive the car to Duff Gardens for an acid trip.

Alternatively, if the plot’s going to be anywhere near as God-awful as that perhaps they should just not make the movie at all.

"We just want to do the show proud." promises Brooks.

Ninety minutes is a long time (even with the obligatory musical number) and NOBODY wants to see this project fail, not even us. We won’t say we’re not sweating.

Buy the best Simpsons season on DVD boxset.

“Put it in H!” – Classic.

[story by Chris Laverty]