Dwayne Johnson a.k.a. The Rock a.k.a. The Great One a.k.a. The Brahma Bull a.k.a. The People?s Champion a.k.a. The Scorpion King has decided that now is the time for him to don his famous trunks once more and return to the world of professional wrestling.
That's right folks. Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to the WWE.
While wrestling fans all over the globe doff their beer-hats and wipe a greasy tear from their collective faces with a podgy, cheese covered finger, we here at hecklerspray can only wonder what has caused The Rock to make such a grandiose return to Vince McMahon?s proverbial dead horse, which by now has been flogged more times than anyone cares to pay attention to.
After all, stripping to your undies and covering yourself in baby oil so you can give another man a special cuddle just screams, ?my career is going well.?
For those of you who weren't teenage shut-ins in the ?90s, before Dwayne Johnson was laying the smacketh down in such films as The Tooth Fairy and Race to Witch Mountain, he used wrestle for, what was then, the World Wrestling Federation. It's a bit like that roller derby thing that girls seem to be so into at the moment, except with shirtless men covered in baby oil.
Johnson?s alter ego was named The Rock and he was both the People?s Champion and the most electrifying man in Sports Entertainment. He would regularly raise the People?s Eyebrow and drop the People?s Elbow at the request of the millions (and millions) of Rock fans all over the world.
The Rock epitomised the golden era of the WWF, now called the WWE after some pandas kicked up a fuss (pandas, incidentally, the reigning WWF world champions by default) , which was known as the Attitude Era and featured such greats as Stone Cold Steve Austin, D-Generation X (before the gimmick was done to death) and a fat bloke in a cowboy hat known as Good Ol? J.R.
But alas, the Rock abandoned his fans to go off and find legitimate fame, fame he wouldn't have to be ashamed of? and probably some nicer looking fans too.
Hollywood seemed to have other ideas though, they just couldn't smell what the Rock was cookin? and so, after 7 long years in the wilderness of bad kids films, Dwayne has crammed his Johnson back into that trunks and elbow pads combo that he knows all too well.
Destined to spend the rest of his days as a monkey dancing for the entertainment of people who think Sarah Palin would make a great President.
Bad luck Dwayne. We guess you’ve finally hit Rock Bottom. Or the People’s Bottom. Whatever.
This post was written by Kris Silver with the assistance of Wrestling?aficionado, Michael Eckett.