By now even the world's most mild-mannered person is so sick of hearing about The Oscars that even the vaguest, most cryptic reference to Kate Winslet's frock is enough to spark off violent killing sprees – and The Razzies are the antidote to all that.
Popping all the smug, self-satisfied 'Blood Diamond made the world a better place, you know' smarming that goes hand in hand with The Oscars with impeccable timing, The Razzies took place on Saturday night. Charged with picking out the worst movies and performances that Hollywood is capable of making, this year was one of the most controversial Razzies ceremonies of all time – in short, The Razzies decided that Sharon Stone and Basic Instinct 2 were worse than Nicolas Cage and The Wicker Man, even though one of those movies features a bee-fearing policeman dressed up as a bear punching a woman in the face and the other one has boobies in it.
Regular readers of hecklerspray will be aware of our month-long Razzies betting odds rundown, where we took a detailed look at the actors and movies in the running for this year's Razzies – listing the films that could only dream of being the Dirty Love of 2007. And despite heavy competition from the likes of Little Man – where a midget dresses as a baby and tries to put his penis into his adopted mother's mouth; Bloodrayne – which has the dubious honour of being the worst ever Uwe Boll movie; and The Wicker Man – where… oh look, here are all the best bits of The Wicker Man on YouTube; Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction swept the board.
That's not a surprise in itself – Basic Instinct 2 scored the most Razzies nominations – but the sheer amount of Razzies that Basic Instinct 2 won was nothing short of breathtaking. On Saturday Basic Instinct 2 picked up Razzies for Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Sharon Stone), Worst Sequel and Worst Screenplay. E! Online reports:
Nine-time nominee Sharon Stone was named Worst Actress for her reprised role as ice(pick) queen Catherine Tramell in the box office clunker… giving her a third gold-spray-painted raspberry sitting atop a distorted super-8 reel to go along with the two she picked up in 1995 for The Specialist with Sylvester Stallone. The convoluted and decidedly unsexy, albeit graphic, Basic Instinct 2 also scored mentions for Worst Sequel or Prequel and Worst Screenplay from the Golden Raspberry Foundation, a 757-member organization that has been dissing the lamest of the lame since 1980. Razzies founder and Everything I Know I Learned at the Movies author John Wilson described Basic Instinct 2 as a film that "had no reason to exist."
But Basic Instinct 2 wasn't the only winner at The Razzies – Little Man also picked up three Golden Raspberries, for Worst Actor (Marlon AND Shawn Wayans), Worst On-Screen Couple (Shawn Wayans and either Marlon Wayans or Kerry Washington) and Worst Remake Or Rip-Off (for copying the plot of a 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon). Also scooping Razzies were M. Night Shyamalan, for Worst Director and Worst Supporting Actor and Carmen Electra, who won Worst Supporting Actress for Date Movie and Scary Movie 4, making up for last year's sorry loss at the hands of Paris Hilton.
And that means only one thing – The Wicker Man went away empty-handed. Nicolas Cage must be disappointed – after all, if you can't win a Golden Raspberry award for dressing up as a full-sized bear, running up a hill and punching a pagan woman unconscious, then what can you win one for?