The Phantom Of The Opera Eats Up Broadway

You know what we think about musical theatre. You’re smart people, you probably think the same thing - that it’s the most tedious, life-draining form of ‘entertainment’ on the planet.

So why are we telling you that The Phantom Of The Opera has just become the longest running show in the history of Broadway? Because we’re just as confused about it as you - since 1988, The Phantom Of The Opera has somehow convinced enough people to see all it’s over-dramatic flapping and wailing for it to be performed 7,486 times.

For those of you who haven’t seen The Phantom Of The Opera (DVDs) - and,
admit it, you have - the story is roughly this: a man with a manky face
teaches a woman to sing by shouting through a wall, falls in love with
her, gets a bit pissed off when he realises that she’s got a boyfriend,
kidnaps her, tries to blow up a building and then lets her go.

How long did that take you to read? Five seconds? Ten seconds?
Imagine if - in between every word - we sang a song really loudly
telling you exactly how we felt and how sad it is being in love with a
monster with a deformed face. How long would it take you to wade
through that? Bloody ages, that’s how long. And that, ladies and
gentlemen, is the musical theatre version of The Phantom Of The Opera -
a simple story rendered interminable by a bunch of people shouting
rubbish songs forever. And it’s the longest-running show in Broadway history.

The Phantom Of The Opera - composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber - has
stolen the crown of longest-ever running Broadway show from another
Lloyd Webber production: Cats, a musical about some cats. Speaking
about the record-breaking Broadway run of The Phantom Of The Opera,
Andrew Lloyd Webber said:

“It’s overwhelming. When I saw how Cats was going I did say to all my friends, ‘You realise that something like this could not happen again’. And then, of course, Phantom happened.”

Not only is The Phantom Of The Opera the longest-running Broadway show in history, it can now apparently be called the
most valuable entertainment venture of all time. You want a set of
depressing Phantom Of The Opera statistics to back that claim up, don’t
you? Well tough luck, you’re getting them.

Since 1988, The
Phantom Of The Opera has gained a worldwide box office of $3.2 billion
dollars. Titanic - the highest-grossing film of all time - only took a measly
$1.2 billion. 80 million people have actually paid money to watch The
Phantom Of The Opera at over 65,000 performances in 119 cities in 24
countries.

That’s why we plan to launch hecklerspray: The
Musical in an attempt to wrestle the record from The Phantom Of The
Opera and Andrew Lloyd Webber. We haven’t really worked out a plot yet,
but the songs are stacking up, with titles like Hasn’t Jessica Simpson
Got A Funny Jawline?, Here’s Another Tom Cruise Story (He’s Not Doing
Himself Any Favours) and the finale, a heartbreaking ode to Shayne Ward performed by a choir of confused teenagers who somehow believe that
hecklerspray is Shayne’s official website, entitled OMG SHAYNE WARD IS TOTALY FIT AND I WUD LOVETO MEET HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Read more:

Phantom puts out Cats to smash record on Broadway -The Times

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