If I was an American, I don’t think I’d ever want to visit the UK. Not that the UK isn’t a nice place, it is; I’ve lived there for my entire duration on this Earth. It’s just that my country isn’t represented very well on American television.
I mean no disrespect to American television makers; I would literally have nothing to do with my life if they didn’t do what they do. It’s just that, in general, their scope on British culture isn’t the widest. Truthfully, they don’t know shit about us Brits, and rather than find out, they’d rather perpetuate the same, tired stereotypes. What’s wrong with that? You may ask. A lot. There’s a lot wrong with that … ?
British characters tend to be used for comedic purpose, and as such they are represented in the extremes. It is fairly odd to see a middle class office worker in an American show. You are far more likely to come across a monocle-wearing English aristocrat, dressed in the finest Victorian garb. Either that, or an impoverished, Scottish football hooligan with bad teeth and a short fuse. Basically, if you’re from the UK, ?you’re either Buzz Killington from?Family Guy?or Groundskeeper Willie from?The Simpsons.?
One thing that has always annoyed me when watching American shows is that English characters are described as having a ‘British accent’.?Let’s just sort this out once and for all: there is no such thing as a ‘British’ accent. The four countries in the UK (Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland) all have their own distinct accents. Moreover, each of these countries has its own regional dialects. Think of it in terms of the US: you wouldn’t describe a Southern accent and a Midwestern one with the same word. I’m not asking for everyone to know every accent, but maybe just stop putting them all under the umbrella of ‘British’. Thanks a lot.
While on the topic of speech, you guys really have to get some new British slang. The majority of the stuff you have the characters come out with is either incredibly dated, or not used the way in which it’s intended. Here is a list of British words that are used in American shows, and an explanation of what’s wrong with them:
- Cheerio: used as an alternative to ‘goodbye’. Nobody really says that nowadays. The same goes for ‘Ta Ta’,
- Crikey: a vocalisation of surprise/shock. I’ve never heard this come out the mouth of an actual British person. Please stop using it.
- Guv’nah: a boss. The word should only be uttered in television adaptations of Dickens novels,
- Spot of tea: a drink of tea. Posh people don’t even say that anymore. If you’re going to put British people and tea together, use the word cuppa’, as in ‘cup of’ instead.
Just one final note: if you’re going to mention the Queen, don’t call her the Queen of England. As well as being the Queen of the entire United Kingdom, she also rules over fifteen other states. I don’t care what you call her instead, though I’m a fan of plain old Liz.
There you have it. I expect every American television executive to read this, and put a plan into action as soon as possible. I am expecting no less than five realistic British characters on prime-time shows by the beginning of 2013. Get to work.