The mayor of Nice officially welcomed the newborn Jolie-Pitt twins into the world yesterday, begging the question, who gives a giant rip? It’s not like there’s anything worthwhile about it.

But, according to hecklerspray financial analysts, that’s not entirely true if you’re a newborn Jolie-Pitt twin.

Having the mayor of Nice welcome little Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt into the world is worth roughly the equivalent of four of each of the adopted Jolie-Pitt children, a baker’s dozen Suri Cruises, 237 giant panda twins born to Gou Gou last week, or over one thousand of any of the Spears‘ spawn, especially the illegitimate one. All of which are quite surprisingly positive values considering the detrimental impact of oil prices on the economy as of late.

You probably think that a baby is officially born once it emerges from the mother’s womb, all slimy and screaming, gasping its first breaths of life, right?

Well, you’re wrong if you think that, because for a birth to be official, the mayor if Nice has to come out wagging birth certificates and blabbing on about babies being born in his town. This is good if you’re newborn Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, because the mayor of Nice officially welcomed them into the world yesterday. Mayor Christian Estrosi made the following statement yesterday:

“It’s a pride to Nice and all its citizens. On behalf of the inhabitants of Nice, I congratulate the happy parents, the most famous couple of the world who have chosen our city for this happy event.”

Estrosi also displayed the birth certificates, which provided thrilling items such as Brad Pitt’s initials, the time of birth, and other annoying details that you are forced to endure when someone you know has a baby and you have to pleasantly tolerate obnoxious facts that apply to almost every newborn baby in the entire world like, “he came out with a full head of hair,” or “he looks just like his parents,” or “have you seen how much he poops?”

So, congrats on the Jolie-Pitt babies being officially born. Now the umbilical cords can be cut, and the Jolie-Pitt clan can divide into evenly-numbered biological vs. adopted children and fight to the death for their parents love. Go team adopted!