The Japanese Take Tetris To A Whole New Level
June 11th, 2007 at 12:00 by Matthew Laidlow
We love a good game here at hecklerspray. Not only does it help us get rid of all the built-up rage that has been growing inside us but we also get to pretend we're harder then we actually are by hurting lots of burly blokes in beat 'em ups.
Only in the world of FIFA could we get we get selected to play for our favourite team. In real life we’d be puffing, panting and getting a stitch ten minutes after kick-off. We’d literally bleed Lucozade dry as we tried to gain some energy back. It’s also a well-known fact that the Japanese love computer games. We don’t know if it’s possible but we assume that if they could, they would marry their beloved XBox 360, PS3 or hilariously-named Wii. And now the Japanese are actually playing actual Tetris in real life with their actual bodies.
Over the years, we’ve seen computer technology get bigger, stronger and faster, right from the beloved Spectrum which took about fifteen minutes to load and usually crashed ten seconds into the game. We’ve also seen the rise of the portable games console like the Gameboy and PSP. This now means you can be a NOG (Nerd On the Go) as you battle aliens and other such things on the bus, train and on the way to the takeaway. It also transmits the message 'Mug me' when walking down council estates up and down the land.
So what's the next logical step? More powerful hardware? Hardly - the fact that the PS3 has 34.5 mega gigs of hard ram pixels and the XBox 360 only has a mere 13.5 is enough to get geeks spuffing themselves with excitement, so lord knows what sort of frenzy a more powerful games console would send them into.
More movies based on videogames? Come on, have you ever seen a film based on a game? The first Tomb Raider film was bad enough, but inexplicably another one was made for some pointless reason. Though it was made in Cambodia which probably gave star Angelina Jolie some choice into which kid she would end up adopting, instead of waiting nine months herself. Other crap movie tie-in games have involved Mario, Street Fighter and Doom. All horrible pieces of shit which actually made baby Jesus cry. We await the Pong movie with pant-wetting excitement. So no, videogame movies aren't the future either. So what is?
Japanese people trying to play Tetris with their own bodies? Oh, OK.
Not since watching Takeshi’s Castle have we seen a more bizarre game show. Remember the game Tetris? Everyone has played it at some point, either on a Gameboy or as a dodgy rip-off on their mobile phone. The Japanese haven’t quite made a film out of it, but they have made a TV show out of it. But this being Japan, they don’t use bricks like in the game; they would have to change it so humans are used as silhouettes. As a wall hurtles towards a contestant they, must match the shape cut into it. If they don’t do this, they are sent flying in to a pool of dodgy-looking slime. Contestant after contestant attempts to curl their body into ridiculous shapes which are nearly impossible to do. But this doesn’t stop scores of stupid Japanese people trying as they attempt to win a tin of Pringles or something.
What’s next? The fully licensed gameshow version of Grand Theft Auto where tasks involve mowing down as many people wearing hats as possible in a minute? Or the exciting challenge of who can evade the police for the longest, with the loser being shot to death live. What a barrel of laughs.
Watch the crazy Japanese taking Tetris too far. But hey, it is funny.
