Generally when the Incredible Hulk smites his enemies, he has a small arsenal of weapons – his triceps, his biceps, and if rumors circulating about the 2011 sequel are to be believed – a golden machete.

He doesn’t need anything else – but that doesn’t mean he’s unwilling to consider all his options. Lung cancer, for instance, can be a highly effective super-tool in the hands of something so powerful and good.

With it, the demise of Magneto could be 20 minutes into a chemo treatment rather than smashing his brains through the side of John Deere headquarters.

Also the Hulk could use it to kill his hardest-core fans. Who needs them, right? He’s already started, you know – at least according to a legion of physicians. They’re so mad, and they will find a way to defeat him no matter what.

Actually, that sounds pretty good. Maybe someone should work that into an actual comic book.

We’re willing to letter it.

A lot of great things happened with the release of this hulk movie. For one, Ed Norton and Marvel learned that talking through their problems is far more effective than screaming, pointing, and stabbing repeatedly with someone else’s letter opener.

We don’t know when exactly they would have learned that last one, but everyone pretty much already knows it, right?

For another, Team Hulk likely realized the movie they were making was a chance to reach out and touch the lives of children everywhere – stuffing them to the brim with values, manners and thousands of tobacco-rich cigars.

That’s right, we said cigars. They did this specifically by having a main character – General Thunderbolt Ross – constantly smoking a stubby. This most certainly does not sit well with American Medical Association (AMA). Also PETA will probably be mad once they learn said cigars are lined on the inside with the greenish-blue blood of baby kangaroos. That’s for incredible flavor.

Dianne Fenyk, the mighty queen of the AMA, had this to say about everything:

“Hollywood studios should be especially embarrassed for using comic-book movies, which they market to children and know youth will want to see, to promote tobacco.”

To which we say; Well excuuuuuuse us for living in a country where children are no longer allowed to smoke. You gonna take their guns next?

In relation to the cigar-sucking general, Fenyk goes on to add:

“Besides, everyone knows Virginia Slims are the only standard military issue smokes allowed on American bases. They get doled out on day one in a tin box with crackers and spreadable fish.”

She didn’t say that last bit, but she did say the first one. Let us take this opportunity to chime in with a hearty agreement and say the cigar is a very unrealistic element in the movie. Everyone knows the only thing smoked by a man who regularly chases giant, green, jumping monsters would have much more of a doobie feel to it.

C’mon Marvel. Let’s get real.

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