Most of the time it’s boring talking about sequels, mainly because everyone just grows a big beard and starts talking in long words about The Godfather Part Two or those awful French films about the big fat man and a well in the garden.
You know the ones. They’re brilliant and there’s a beautiful French girl who takes her pants off in the second one. Great movies.
Either way, none of them as good as the sequels we’ve just compiled in about eighteen minutes… The best ever read like this.
1. Staying Alive
This 1983 sequel to Saturday Night Fever has tracked Tony Manero into the macho world of musical theatre. He still walks up and down New York streets in tight trousers, but this time the gripping tension is broken by moments of intense dancing, and a frenzied sexual encounter with a total bitch. One of the greatest films ever. Want proof? Here’s proof.
2. The Next Karate Kid
First time around, The Karate Kid was that weedy little oik who was in The Outsiders, whereas here it’s Hilary Swank – a bright young actress who now has a set of sparkling Oscars in her luxury toilet. You do the mathematics.
3. European Vacation
In the first one, Vacation, Chevy Chase and his family embarked on a trip across America. Nothing funny about that. Whereas here it’s a romp through Europe, featuring angry Germans, sexy Parisians, and bumbling Englishmen. Had there been a dungareed lesbian, all bases would have been covered, stereotypically speaking.
4. Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan
Where the first Star Trek film consisted of eight and a half hours of monotonous space strategy, this one cut straight to the action, and even featured some kind of slimy worm creature oozing from the Russian one’s ear. That’s all we remember.
5. Jaws 2
The first one featured grown men metaphorically comparing sausages in their quest to slaughter an endangered shark. Second time around, and the youth got involved. A bit like The Goonies, but with more boats and deaths.
6. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
No melty-faces this time around, but a man does have his beating heart pulled from his chest. A hunch suggests that Spielberg mightn’t have visited India before creating his film version of the country.
7. Superman 2
The first one was magnificent, yet the second one featured Terence Stamp bellowing “Kneel before Zod!” at The President. Number two wins.
8. Mad Max 2
By this point, Max is already mad – totally bonkers in fact – and everyone is pootling around post-apocalyptic wastelands looking for trouble. The best Mel Gibson film of all time, including his remake of The Life of Brian.
9. Beneath The Planet of The Apes
It’s like the first one, only with much less Charlton Heston, and much more telepathic humans living underground. Hence, better. It also features the finest last dying words of all time – “you bloody bastard.”
10. Evil Dead 2
To be honest, we have no idea if this is better than the first one, as we’ve only seen this one. The word on the street is that it is, and we always trust the street. Always.
To hear more from Josh, go to Interestment.co.uk
FremontCAHotel says
Great compilation
Chant says
Allow me to add, if I might, “Return of the Killer Tomatoes,” featuring the finest performance George Clooney has ever smirked his way through, as well as Karen Mistal’s classic line, “How about a blow job? Maybe iron your pants?”
Fremont Hotel&CasinoLV says
excellent compilation, but wasn’t hair the sequel of staying alive?
Andrew says
Where was “Meet The Fockers”? That had to have been better than Planet of the Apes and Superman combined!
Chris says
I think the numbering is the wrong way around… Evil Dead II should be #1 ; )