Now that it’s holiday season, all the famous stars are coming out with their taut, muscular bikini bodies.
Some, like Scary Spice, got a little bit carried away, and now she’s got Peter Andre‘s 1990s stomach, which resembles tight latex stretched over two giant packets of Wrigley’s Extra. It’s a weird look, especially with a set of womanly bosoms looming over the abs.
Other famous faces will be surfacing over the coming weeks, oiled and dainty in their trunks and cozzies, so we thought it high time to wobble our appreciative stomachs in the direction of some brilliant famous people who don’t seem to care that they are grotesquely fat…
1. Jack Black
Don’t be fooled by the hilarious gurning face, and the way he makes jokes by saying silly things really seriously, Jack Black would be nothing without his bulbous gut, and he knows it. Hence, when the rest of his peers are crunching their stomachs, he’s busily sloshing down burgers so that people will still find him hilarious. Without the food, he’d be just another thin guy doing a Jack Black impression.
2. Rik Waller
Like most gargantuan fat people, no one expected Rik Waller to be particularly good at anything. Cowell and his goons especially held out little hope when he stood before them on Pop Idol, already sweating quite badly, and panting heavily. And yet, when he opened his enormous mouth, out swept the voice of an angel sitting on a cloud. Unfortunately, as with so many fat people, Rik proved to be too lazy to make it as a pop singer, and made little dent on the charts.
3. Anne Diamond
Sometimes fat, sometimes not quite so fat, we prefer Anne Diamond when she’s really fat. Something about a thin Anne Diamond reminds us of a thin-lipped HR worker, who does everything by the book. But when she’s hit maximum weight, she looks like a barrel of laughs, and you can almost hear a comedy jazz band playing when she walks.
4. Gary Barlow
Of course, when we talk of Gary Barlow, we don’t mean the one that’s just recreated his 1990s dance act and made them suave, we mean the fat guy with the flat top from the first time around. Back then his astonishing lack of toning was only made worse by his standing next to a small mob of borderline athletes. Once given a chance to rest, he threw himself headlong into weight gain, and was probably the best he ever looked.
5. James Gandolfini
A thin Tony Soprano wouldn’t really have worked.
6. Oprah Winfrey
Like Anne Diamond, Oprah likes to keep everyone guessing by turning up to her television show looking a different shape every single day. And like with Anne, we prefer fat Oprah. The one who has made millions of dollars sitting around talking to people, then presumably running mouth first through a patisserie at the weekends.
7. Robbie Coltrane
Were Robbie Coltrane skinny and Scottish, people might think he was Billy Connolly or Sean Connery, so he cleverly spent the early part of his career bulking up to John Candy proportions. And now we know him as Cracker, so, yeah, it worked. It worked really well.
8. Jo Brand
Where would Jo Brand be without her jokes about being quite fat? Nowhere. Jo Brand would be nowhere. Then what kind of world would that be?
9. Alison Moyet
Dubbed by some as the original Michelle McManus, they couldn’t be more wrong. Alison was a terrific singer, making up one half – or perhaps two thirds – of the wonderful electro-pop act Yazoo. Throughout her career she appears to have stuck to her guns, and if anything, she might be growing. Good for her.
10. Marlon Brando
The greatest fat thespian to leave an almighty footprint on planet Earth. Famously made Francis Ford Coppola film him in the dark to hide the fact that he was so enormous, he was wearing a flowery woman’s dress.
This was a guest blog by the heroic Josh Burt of Interestment. Go visit!