A guest blog by Josh from Interestment…
It’s a strange time for Planet Earth, what with bank managers rooting through bins for scraps of food, and everyone pointing missiles at one another.
So thank Christ for Sting. Everyone loves Sting, and if they don’t, someone should really talk to them. At last presumption, this guy had single-handedly rebuilt forests, made love to his woman for weeks at a time, and every morning he heads to the hills to practice shadow kung fu in just a pair of pants.
With his unbelievable amazingness in mind, we thought it high time we located our four favourite Sting moments, and celebrated them. It was easy. Here they are.
1. Sting experiments, like, facially
He’s been around for so long that it’s almost impossible to remember what makes Sting so appealing to women. Is it the taut throbbing body that he’s created from hours of press-ups in his back garden? Or perhaps it’s the mane of minty blond hair that makes him look ever-so-slightly Aryan? Actually, sisters, it’s neither of those things. It’s the bold fashion statements he makes, like the time he thought to hell with it, and turned up in a television studio wearing exactly the same kind of moustache that men have been taught to avoid. Unless they’re going to a club for consenting adults. What a brave, brave balladeer. Nice one, Sting.
2. Sting dances in a film
They do say that if you really want to live life to the full, you should dance like no one is watching. And God bless Sting, because that is exactly what he did in Quadrophenia, during the club scene. His jerky, almost childlike, movements were the musical interpretations of a man in the zone, literally letting go as if no one could see him. Yet, in a bizarre twist of irony, absolutely millions of people have since enjoyed his hilarious impression of a terrible terrible dancer. Nice one, Sting.
3. Sting takes his top off? relentlessly
For an uncomfortably long window a year or so ago, Sting couldn’t mount a stage without peeling off his clothes the minute music started playing. This was presumably a bad habit picked up from his years practising hysterical tantric intercourse whilst playing old Police records in the background. He took his nips out in front of millions at the Brit Awards, but that wasn’t the first time. We found even more proof of his incessant toplessness. Nice one, Sting.
4. Sting sings with Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart
For years, everyone had debated over what a trio of singers, all suffering from crippling throat diseases, might sound like. Sting, bless him, decided to find out. The day Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart joined him to sing All For One ? a song about muskateering in the olden times ? soft rock planets collided, creating an even more thrillingly flaccid sound than the world had ever known. It literally killed erections. Nice one, Sting.
This insanely wonderful post has been a guest blog by Josh Burt from Interestment.co.uk. Nice one, Josh.
Mithaearon says
Who is Sting?
David Schwartz says
I hate Sting, so much. Just thought I would share that with everyone.
Feel better now.
Stuart Heritage says
I concur with the above. I thought it’d be impossible to dislike Sting any more that I already did. But Sting with facial hair? I’ve hit a PB
Tom J says
What about “Sting in plastic underpants considering a knife fight”? You know what I’m talking about…
markie says
Plastic pants indeed – Sting is really quite poor in Dune (and so actually a lot better than most of the film…)
Julian Mentat says
Is there no video of the concert where the stagehands lower a small cardboard fortress down from above Sting while he is singing “The Fortress?”
Ancalime says
Sting didn’t write All For Love…he just sang on it because Bryan adams asked him to and Bryan Adams is, in Stings own words, a good mate, so “if people ask me to sing on their records and they are a mate, I say yes”:-) otherwise a good laugh that article!
the This is Spinal Tap thingy in the 1986 tour appeared in the Bring On The Night movie. Branford Marsalis mentioned it in interviews. Sting only tore up the stage when they tossed his jacket into the audience at one gig in 1988…..
JBollocks says
Wow, it’s like coming home to your disabled relatives!
It seems like a good idea but after 5min the smell of urine just starts to get to you…
love you guys, bye…
Kaylee. says
I want to have sex with Sting so badly. So badly.
Cookie says
I think most of you are just jealous. Sting is sexy!
Damian says
DUNE! LOL
@EssBen says
No mention of his playing Feyd-Rautha in a pair of ridiculous sci-fi undercrackers?!? FAIL!
Elijah says
You people must all be low IQ troglodytes. Stings lyrics are poetry, his adventurous musical endeavors are always enjoyable, and his intellect is superior to any other musician that I am aware of.
People take artistic power and intellect as pretentiousness because they are confronted with the fact that someone is better than they are. This should be grounds for humbling rapture, not ignorant sarcasm…yet….this all the ignorant are capable of. Sting is enlightened, amazingly creative, and will remain an icon untouchable by mere confused mortals.
You low class haters make me sick. I’m somewhat ok with that though because your idiotic observations are a testament to your level of intellect. Unintelligent people rarely like Sting and that’s a great gauge for me so I know whether I should like them or not as well.
Sting is the man.
stefan says
Well,as a guitar player,and the one who loves not only Pat Matheny music,but first of all the wonderful Sting,I can only admire his incredible creative inteligence,his musical and lirical imagination over the last 30 years.And not only that.He has menaged to give his life such a perfect shape…… I am really fascinated with this man.