A guest blog by Monsieur Josh Burt from Interestment…
Were medieval royals granted a few weeks living in the 21st century, they would be astounded by what they see. Outraged even.
Look, the jesters have become film stars! Hark, the lowly kitchen workers are all over television making big money! Next thing you know, the bottom wipers will be running the country. Oh, hang on?
Either way, the medievals can shut the hell up, because we absolutely adore the celebrity cooks. So much so that we thought it completely necessary to come up with a top five. It reads exactly like this?
1. Marco Pierre White
By far the most potent and admirable of all celebrity chefs, he is like a strange, pot bellied soothsayer with massive hair. On Hell?s Kitchen he would explain endlessly to a mob of mouth-breathing soap actresses that Mother Nature is the real food genius, not him – a tactic which somehow made him seem even more impressive. And in real life, he has taught celebrity chefs like Gordon Ramsay and Heston Blumenthal how to correctly boil pig?s heads. He also has the look of a man who could silently strangle you without once breaking eye contact.
2. Anthony Bourdain
Anyone who saw his excellent show A Cook?s Tour already knows everything you need to know about Bourdain. He struts around war zones in a Ramones t-shirt looking for exciting dinners, nonchalantly chewing beating cobra?s hearts, as well as a few very penis looking objects. He is constantly smoking strong cigarettes, and is known to drink very heavily. The perfect cook.
3. Keith Floyd
Floyd doesn't make the list for the quality of his food ? if anything, he tended to only ever make a stew. He was what the bald one in Masterchef with the gargantuan stomach would call a ?one pot cook?, because everything was just sloshed together in a massive pan while Floyd got leathered. He has since been replaced with the ?slice it up! Chump it off! Toss it around!? generation. Twats.
4. Heston Blumenthal
There is something about Blumenthal that makes him a little bit hard to like. It could be the way that whenever he's cooked something nice, he stares intently at the people eating it, his grin getting ever more self-satisfied with each slow motion chew. BUT, on the plus side, he's really genuinely brilliant to watch. The main difference between him and the other four being that they could all be guests at a fantastic dinner party, while he'd only be invited along as a cook.
5. Ainsley Harriott
Like Floyd, Harriott doesn't look like he'd actually make anything you'd want to put in your mouth, but his presenting skills are second to none. Never less than euphoric, the real joy comes from knowing that even he doesn't have a clue what he's going to say next when he's talking to someone. Total gibberish.
This has been a guest blog by Josh Burt by that legendary cad Josh Burt from Interestment.co.uk. VISIT!
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CrapsDownload says
Burdain for teh win…
Horror says
There is only Floyd.