Mainstream comedians are fantastic, aren’t they? Of course they are, why else would they be on the telly?
Dawn French, Lee Mack, Justin Lee Collins, Alan Carr… the list is endless.
Just thinking about them makes us want to round up every TV executive in a small room and hack the testicles off them that they haven’t even got in the first place.
And so the following is a list – in no particular order – of some of the most brilliant, unique, prime-time repellent and, therefore, largely anonymous comedians we’ve had the privilege to have never heard.
Read what we’ve got to say, watch and listen to what they have to say, fall in love and spread the word.
Doug Stanhope
For any of you who have ever thought ‘I wonder what Bill Hicks would say today if his pussy of a pancreas hadn’t of got all cancerous’ then what spews from Doug Stanhope’s gorgeously vitriolic mind is probably as close to an answer as you can get.
Not that he’s plagiarising the great man, not one bit. The topics are similar but the jokes and ideas have evolved and are all his own.
There are lots of people who will tell you that they don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of them and they’re almost always talking bollocks, but with Doug you get the impression he means it and it’s this unparalleled lack of shame that separates him far, far away from the rest.
Any of you who have Mary Whitehouse posters blutacked all over your walls then this video is definitely the one for you:
Daniel Kitson
Basically, to be fair, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, etc, and so on, et al, blah blah; what we all want from our entertainers – be they comedians, musicians, novelists or people who do drawings with their own blood and poo – is for them to make us feel less lonely in this bloody horrible world; nothing beats a warm cockle in the heart, and no comedian can warm a heart-cockle like Daniel Kitson.
Take a man like Russell Brand; as undeniably talented as he is, it’s hard to fully empathise with a man whose sole motivation behind every gag is ‘how can I continue to successfully seduce/manipulate this myriad of celebrity-worshipping girls into having sex with me?’
He’ll say anything, so long as it doesn’t disrupt this masterplan, and we’re sure he couldn’t care less (it’s hard to care too much about anything when you’ve got four bent over bottoms baying for your boy – so Stuart Heritage informs us) but it does go some way to stifling your comic potential.
Luckily for us though, Daniel Kitson is unfettered by such distractions, perhaps due to being a bifocalled-ginger with a stutter, and we love him all the more for it – no doubt you will too.
You may know him as Spencer off Phoenix Nights, but what you should know him for is being one of the best stand-up comedians in the world:
Tony Law
Tony Law is a man from Canada. As if that wasn’t funny enough, he also tells jokes. Never before has an accent and an occupation been so perfectly matched, apart from maybe Adolf Hitler.
Until now, absolutely nobody has heard of Tony Law apart from his mum and it’s about time that changed, because the man is a fucking colossus.
A safe word to describe his act would be surreal, although we’re sure there is a better one out there, we’re just buggered if we know what it is, the illiterate frauds that we are.
We’ll just let him speak for himself. Enjoy:
John Hegley
Poetry, as we all know, is for limp wristed, mum-bumming toffs who actually enjoyed reading Shakespeare at secondary school.
But we are all wrong! A few centuries after Shakespeare butchered the art-form, along came a man from Luton called John Hegley, who taught anybody who was bothered enough to listen that poetry can actually be brilliant.
Unfortunately there isn’t much in the way of John Hegley videos around this here internet place, so this grainy, out of sync offering’ll have to do. Otherwise you can click here for an old-fashioned read.
Stewart Lee
How dare we group Stewart Lee amongst a list of unknowns? To be honest, we feel quite ashamed of ourselves too, but it’s been over a decade since he and Richard Herring (who is still touring and at the top of his game – click here for the ultimate lesson in how to handle a heckler) lit up our TV screens with the likes of Fist of Fun and This Morning With Richard Not Judy and, aside from some hardcore fans and an equally hardcore group of right-wing Christian lobbies, nobody seems to know who the man is, and so any exposure is worth it – mankind can only benefit from having Stewart Lee’s wisdom up inside it.
A couple of years back he was ranked 41st in a Channel 4 poll of the best stand-up comedians of all time, which is about 40 positions too low as far as we’re concerned.
We’re not saying he’s Jesus, that’s for you to decide. Watch this and judge for yourselves:
Gilbert Wham says
It’s about time that drunken bum Stanhope released some new material though, innit? I shall give Kitson a try if you say he’s funny. He’d fuucking better be, mind…
Daz says
The Corrs Shrine, Rich! Call it by its name!
Paul Sorrenti says
well, he fucking is Gilby, no worries there. I strongly encourage you all to watch Tony Law. it’s perhaps the best i’ve seen regarding the whole religious censorship nonsense.
and i’ll think i’ll join in on the TMWRNJ quotes:
the great thing about a nats chuff is that it is literally as tight as a nats chuff.
you’re sick!
Am I, stu? am, I? well let me ask you this question…
stewart lee looks set to get a show on the bbc for next year too. his edinburgh show is prep for it. about fucking time too.
J Bollocks says
“There are lots of people … always talking bollocks”
Don’t even think about going down that road HS. I talk bollocks anyone else is just pretending.
Can’t say I heard of any of those alleged comedians so at least you’re right in that.
nostromo says
If you really think that free-market dupe is anything whatsoever like Bill Hicks, then you really , really need to go back and watch more Bill clips.
Paul Sorrenti says
free market dupe? what are you talking about? i don’t think bill had anything against the free market, maybe capitalisation, but there is a difference there, nostromo. or do i miss the point? and how’s about legalise marijuana, the troops are dicks and pro-abortion for similarities?
and nice link mr de casteaiaeuker.
gir says
If you think Bill Hicks’s act is anything more than a lame ripoff of Denis Leary’s, then you really, really need to get a clue.
Haven’t seen ol’ Bill much these days; what happened, did his idiot fans realize he was stupid and unoriginal?
website design says
Never heard of Doug Stanhope. I’m keepin an ear out now. Good stuff.
nostromo says
Free market dupe was probably the wrong expression. How about corporate dupe instead? The answer to some unskilled foreigner coming into your country, taking the only job available in your area and doing it for half the pay you used to be able to get for it ISN’T for you to sweat bullets trying to ‘improve’ yourself so they can’t compete for your job any more….because all that does is leave your neighbour, who isn’t bright enough to do any other kind of work, in the shitter.
Paul Sorrenti says
well it will be an incentive for people who aren’t bright to become bright in order for them to survive, rather than perpetuating this anti-intellectual society that we live in where idiots think they can get a free ride because they were randomly born in an affluent land, desperately depending on the three lions because they can’t depend on themselves.
and nice try gir, but i’m not falling for that one. dennis leary! you crack me up.
nostromo says
Social Darwinism. Somehow I dont think Hicks would be supporting your POV. It’s only a short step from what you said there to Hitlerian-style eugenics.
gir says
I don’t know, I mean in his more misanthropic moments Hitlerian eugenics seemed pretty mild compared to what Hicks actually advocated.
Can’t you let me have my fun, Sorrenti? Joyless bastard.
Paul Sorrenti says
erm…what? how is that the same? or more importantly: why do you feel the confidence to talk about things like free-markets and social darwinism and hitlerian-style eugenics when you clearly have no idea what any of them mean?
the main thing i’m saying is that no one should be proud to be of a nation (like the nazi’s were) and that it would surely be a good thing thing if intelligence was encouraged (unlike the nazi’s, who systematically culled people of intelligence, because they were a threat to them).
pot kettle black and all that? but i wouldn’t worry too much about it, the idiots will win, i’m sure you’ll keep your job.
nostromo says
Okay, you win….I’m going to rush out and start building a statue of Margaret Thatcher. Surely the young tories have inherited the Earth. You should, when you grow a little older perhaps, reflect on the views you express and try to see them for what they are…sophistry.
nostromo says
I checked all the terms I have used in my posts against dictionary definitions and find that they each mean exactly what I intended to convey and exactly what I believed them to mean…where that takes us, I have no idea.
Paul Sorrenti says
me neither. i imagine if we sat this out over a cup of coffee we may well be making love by the end, such is the futile nature of comment arguments. i am no tory, i am no maggie thatcher fan, i’m a socialist through and through. i think what may have happened is that you think by me saying ‘intellectual’ i mean privately educated kids, tory boys and that. let me point out that this is not the sort of intelligence i’m talking about. i’m talking more of an intelligent attitude than an IQ rating. nothing to do with getting straight A’s. if i was then i’d be fucked. does that explain anything? or am i still a little maggie hitler with a penchant for self-directing human evolution? or a sophist, whatever that is.
nostromo says
A sophist is one who advances fallacious arguments with no other objective than to win a debate. The thing about this fellow’s humour is this: A citizen of a country is an individual with rights, privileges and duties commensurate with the milieu he lives in, right so far, you’re a socialist, as I am, you understand this. There is such a thing in developed countries, particularly those with a history of socialist governments, which we call the ‘social safety net’ this includes the right to shelter, nourishment, health care AND a minimum adult wage.
So far so good, we have the basis of a reasonable standard of living for anyone willing to undertake full-time paid employment. This happy scenario cannot legally, and should not illegally, be undermined by the influx of non-citizens willing to undertake said full-time employment at hourly rates well below the legally recognised minimum.
If people from poorer countries wish to enter the workforce of such a society, and the local population are happy to accept them at a time of labour shortage, they should only be permitted to do so on the proviso that they are paid equivalent pay to the local standard. This is a bone of contention in many western countries, as you are no doubt aware.
Maryscott O'Connor says
NO women? There are NO great female comics working today?
gir says
Girls aren’t funny.
Annette Hyde says
Oh, gir…that cuts deep.
gir says
I prefer to think of you as a sort of humor goddess, Hyde. Kind of like the Muse of Humo(u)r, but with more mocking voyeurism and fart jokes.
Annette Hyde says
Well. those are the exact things I strive to be appreciated for, so that’s okay, then.
gir says
*phew* Dodged one there
john says
women are not funny all they do is bitch about men. Just like every women.